


Human

by AinZaphir



Series: ME [1]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Dating, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Falling In Love, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Implied Sexual Content, Love, Medical Procedures, Near Death Experiences, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-02-17 23:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13087908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AinZaphir/pseuds/AinZaphir
Summary: Harry's point of view in the aftermath of Habitat-7





	1. Fatherless Son

**Author's Note:**

> Harry's POV, Pathfinder Sara.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events that transpired immediately after Habitat 7.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First try at a fanfic. I have this whole story I really needed to get out there. Also, I love the pairing.

 

 

"I'm not really sure what happened" Harry said, as Lexi placed him in a chair nearby. They'd just barely managed to stabilize Sara this time. Pulse had dropped again. One cardiac arrest in the field, oxygen deprivation, potential and probable complications to Ryder's helmet malfunction- it was too much for Harry to fathom at that moment.

“She’s at risk for a potentially life crippling brain injury” Lexi said. “This is serious! Harry... What happened? I need to know” Her voice was low, comforting. Harry didn't feel he deserved her kindness. He couldn’t even look at her, much less talk to her. Alec Ryder, dead. Sara Ryder, not likely to make it through the next fifteen minutes. Her brother in a coma before he even got a chance to get killed on Harry’s watch. Almost the entire human pathfinder crew injured or dead, either physically or mentally. His fault. It was his job to look after them. He had failed them. He didn't deserve Lexi's pity, he would have wanted her to yell at him, to tell him it was his fault, somehow. 

As if Lexi was reading his thoughts, she continued, her voice softening even more: “This would have happened even if you’d been right beside them, Harry. Or worse, you could have been injured. This is anything but your fault” She tried meeting his eyes, but he looked away. He couldn’t deal with anything right now. The mere thought of what was happening was too much to bear. He wasn't able to talk about this, not yet. Still in his armor from Habitat 7, still filled with dirt from the ground where he had looked after Hayes. Broken. 

He heard a gurgling sound, and moaning. Not the sounds of someone waking up. For the slightest fraction of a second, he desperately tried identifying the sound as something, anything, but what he knew deep down was about to happen to Sara. He let his terror show for just a second, before reacting. 

They reacted at once, as they both knew what was going on. Cranial pressure had increased. She was seizing, and without speaking, they both knew she wouldn't make it through this one without immediate medical intervention, it was time for a last resort. Two heart-resets in the field, one in the hospital. One complete cardiac arrest, several arrhythmic episodes. This was her breaking point.

“It’s a seizure, her brain can’t handle the connection. Get her to Sam Node”. Lexi had taken the lead. “YOU!” she barked at Liam Kosta, “HELP. Now”. Pushing the bed, they ran for the tram, machines keeping her alive in tow. Doors closed, the tram moved. The ride, although only a few minutes of duration- if even that- to the habitation deck, was excruciatingly long. Keeping her down while Lexi were administering sedatives. The two of them had always been a good team when dealing with emergencies, although usually with a bigger support team than just Harry, Lexi and Kosta.

Doors opened, and they all rushed towards the habitation deck, where Sam was located. Harry knew Sara was minutes from suffering another cardiac arrest. He knew the odds of recovering from yet another case of heart failure wasn’t going to be much likely- if they even got her heart started this time. He didn’t want to even think about what sort of new terror life had in store for him this time. “SAM, what’s the reading?” Lexi was talking fast, and he knew what was about to happen, as every horror he didn’t even knew he felt came to be- they were going to merge them. Sara raised an arm, feebly- a typical reaction from patients with neurological distress. Lexi caught the arm, put it down. 

“Ryders implant is overloading. I suggest a hardwire connection”

There wasn’t time to even think. It was the only way to even give her a chance at life.

“Do it” Lexi said, and Harry nodded. The moral and ethical complications to what they were about to do would have to be dealt with later, first and foremost their job was to save Sara’s life. He hooked her up to the AI, the machine, waited for SAM to give the green light. He gave Lexi the all clear for her to start her procedures. He still didn't have a good feeling about SAM in general, but hooking someone up- merging their nervous system? It was, for lack of better words, weird. He'd have to have a chat with himself about the ethical implications of such procedures later. 

 

*** 

Sara being stabilized, he made his way back to cryobay, thinking. He'd need to tell Scott at some point. The thought of having Scott waking up to only one living family member was as agonizing as the thought of Sara not having her brother to talk to. Harry felt it was due to his own inadequate handling in the field that had left Sara with a potential brain injury, not an accident. It was him not insisting they bring their injured back at once, letting Alec take the team into combat. It was Lexi's quick and adaptive thinking that had prevented Sara dying, not his. He couldn't bare the thought of being responsible for more death.

"I'm getting too old for this" he said to himself as he approached Scotts bed. He decided right there- he'd stay with the Hyperions medical team, and not be in the field anymore. He'd oversee their recovery, here, onboard the Hyperion, where there were few things he'd be able to mess up. He looked down at Scott, in bed, unresponsive. "I'll make sure she's ok" he said, before resigning to his office, broken but determined. This was not something he'd let happen ever again. 


	2. The sound of silence

"What do you mean, you're not coming with us? Harry, we need you! I ... " Sara stopped. 

They were nearly alone in the cryobay, Sara and Harry, with Scott, still unresponsive. Sara had been sitting by Scotts bedside, until Harry had revealed his plans to stay and look after Scott.

"Sara, listen to me: you need someone younger, more adaptive in the field. I would have loved to serve on the Tempest, but I'm not the same young man I used to be, and that could prove a weakness, rather than a resource in the field. Besides, Lexi's younger, it will work better with your team." 

She glared at him. 

"Is this going to be about age, Harry? Really? Because you're a lot younger than dad ever was, and he was pathfinder." She said in her defiant manner, as if she dared him to come with her after all. "Look, it's not that I don't like Lexi, or doubt her abilities in any way, it's just... I thought I'd at least have you there.. You know?" Her admission baffled Harry for a second, Sara showing vulnerability like that. Not that he could blame her, here she was having returned from the brink of death, to find her father had died and left her with what seemed an impossible task, and her brother in what looked to be rather a long term comatose condition. She had arrived on the nexus to find a leadership in chaos, nearly all remains of the team her dad had put together either reassigned or dead, now to lose another familiar face on a daily basis. She had to understand he was doing this not only to keep her brother alive, but to give her the best medical attention possible for the kind of mission she was about to embark on. Another added benefit he'd forced himself to realize was that this would help keep his own feelings towards her at bay. He was painfully aware of how that would affect his medical judgement. 

When he didn't reply, she continued: 

" _I_ need you, Harry". 

He didn't know what to say, nor how to say it for that matter. She looked hurt, not an emotion he thought she was used to express. Not that they had known each other that well back in the milky way, he had mostly worked with Alec, but he had had his run ins with her every so often. This might also just be an expression of the hopelessness of the situation she found herself in, change representing death, not opportunities as her usual self would think.

"Well, I'll be here if you need me" He replied. Stupid thing to say, really. "I mean it, Sara. I'll be here if you need anything, talk, not talk, whatever you need." 

Her expression was uninterpretable, she was shutting her emotions down. She used to do that whenever she was stressed, he'd seen her like that most recent when she was told Scott wouldn't wake up for a while. If he was just her doctor, he'd tell her it was unhealthy, that feeling whatever she needed to feel was the healthy option, but as her friend, he had to watch, as excruciating as it may have felt to keep quiet at the moment. Maybe she'd understand, in time, how to deal with this. He vaguely remembered she'd had a similar reaction, immediately after Ellen Ryder's death. Harry had found her in a bar, drinking alone. The same shut down, beaten expression not just as a look on her face, but also in her entire body. He felt helpless knowing he'd not be able to be with her on the Tempest. He kept telling himself it was the safest call, in order for both the Ryder twins to make it out of this whole ordeal alive and well. 

"Take care of him for me, Harry?" Sara said quietly, after a while. The fact that she had now shut down any detectable emotion outward, said it all. She was by no means approving his choice, but at least she seemed to be accepting it. Harry hated it had to come to this, but it was the way it had to be. He needed to keep them both safe.

"Sure thing, Sara. I'll make sure to get him back on his feet. Focus on the mission, and don't worry too much about him- I'll take care of the worrying for you." As an afterthought, he added: "And look after yourself, too".

"Thanks, Harry."

She left him with a faint smile and a wave. He watched her leave before returning to Scotts bedside. He'd made a habit of talking to him regularly, unsure if he even heard him- he felt it was better to talk to him one time too many, rather than not. 

"Don't worry, Scott. I made sure she's with the best. Lexi'll look after her, and hopefully keep her from any more harm. I'm hoping you're ok with that. I can't have her die on my watch, not again. She's a tough one, your sister. She needs a hard-ass to keep her in check. So now, it's my job to make sure you wake up at some point. But don't rush it, I'd rather you make a full recovery. I'll let you sleep." As stupid as it may have felt, talking to a comatose and unresponsive patient, he felt that if there was a slight chance Scott could hear him, he had to at least keep him updated. 

He sighed, and checked the time. The majority of the Hyperions medical team would be arriving for work soon, he'd better prepare fully for what that day would have in store for him. And with that, he returned to his office. 


	3. Sing me to sleep

Harry heard knocking, which made him snap out of his deep chain of thought. Who could possibly want to see him this late? Slightly annoyed about the thought of having to go back in to work, he got up from the couch, leaving the datapad he was working on. The door opened, and to his surprise, Sara was standing outside, wearing her usual uniform, with a backpack over her shoulder. She looked so tired she might as well have been sleepwalking, Harry thought to himself.

"Sara? When did you get back?" He stepped aside to let her in. "Nice place" She said. Her monotonous voice nearly broke his heart. "Homey, in a way". He closed the door behind her. He had his suspicions, why she had chosen to come see him. By the looks of it, she'd come straight from the Tempest. "It's good to see you, Sara. How have you been?" 

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Of course she wasn't all right. She looked miserable, what little he had seen of her face lately. Either looking straight at Scott, or eyes fixed at the floor when discussing Scotts condition. She had her back turned right now, but he had noticed she hadn't been herself for the past few visits to Scott. The one time she had met his eyes, she looked near breaking point, ghostlike- as if she had lost the will to live.

"Would you like a drink?" He tried keeping his tone casual, keeping all doubt out of his voice. If anything, he owed her to be strong right now. She nodded. Clutching her backpack in one hand, she stood completely still, fixing her gaze upon the tv. Harry went for the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of whiskey from the counter. "I'm afraid I only have whiskey, but it's the good kind, I promise". She gave no reply. He studied her for a second. Had she lost weight? By the looks of it, she hadn't eaten nor slept for a while. Her body language was still, as though in a tensed reaction. Perhaps she wasn't able to move. He'd seen it once or twice with severe stress or depression. He wasn't sure how to proceed, she looked as if she needed everything and nothing at the same time, and he dreaded the inevitable conversation about to ensue.

"I-I-I just... Um... couldn't stay... There. At his place. It's... Way too.... I don't.... " She stuttered, as if every word was an uphill struggle. Her voice nearly whispering, perhaps so he wouldn't register how hurt and tired it seemed. Off course, he vaguely remembered an email from Lexi saying the team would be staying on the Nexus for a few days. Sara would probably need to meet with Tann, and the crew would also need to rest up. Lexi would have insisted on that, and that Asari was scary when she didn't get her way. This must have been the first few days off Sara'd had since arriving in andromeda. She would have had to sleep in her fathers quarters for the first time since Habitat-7. He briefly imagined Sara entering the room so resembling her father, dark, unavailable, sterile. Off course she'd want to stay anywhere but there. The tension between Harry and Sara was unbearable, until she yet again broke the silence.

"When's ... When's Scott going to wake up?" She said, if possible even more quiet and high pitched than before. The hurt in her voice had reached a new level Harry didn't think possible. He felt his stomach clench. How was he supposed to answer that without pushing her further into the darkness that seemed to engulf her. He approached her, drinks in hand. He placed them on the coffee table, hoping she'd take the hint and sit down. She looked like she would faint any minute from exhaustion. 

"He's making progress. His vitals are improving, and...." He stopped. Was she sobbing? 

 He approached her, slowly. Quiet, but not so quiet she wouldn't know where he was. He placed a hand on her shoulder, slowly, half expecting her to draw away from him. 

"Hey...." he said in what he hoped was a comforting tone. Before he knew it, her arms were around his waist, her head resting on his shoulder. She was definitely crying now. He held her for a while, hoping it would comfort her, hoping somehow, _this_ was what would remove all her pain. He hated seeing her like this. 

"I can't stay there, Harry. I just...." He knew that. Before he could even think, he replied: "Why don't you stay here for a while? I work a lot and I couldn't  cook if my life depended on it, but I do have a spare bedroom- so it's not all that bad". He'd do anything to make her stop feeling like this, give her the world if he could. 

She nodded. They just stood there for a while, hugging. When they broke apart, she had at least stopped crying. 

"Why don't you try to get some sleep?" He said, half hoping she'd agree to a good nights sleep. 

"I can't" she said. "I've not been able to for a while". 

"Well then, we'll watch a vid or something." He knew he had to distract her somehow, even if it meant staying up half the night watching movies. She nodded, and finally sat down. 

She started picking a vid through her omni-tool. It was a classic, albeit one with loads of blood and terror. 

"Are you sure you don't want something more.... soothing?" He couldn't help himself. Hoping this would make her at least smile a little, or at least make her remember she was a person, his prediction went horribly wrong, or so he thought the minute she spoke. Her stony face turned towards him, as she replied: "I need to feel something". He felt lousy. It made sense though, but didn't make his heart break any less at her words. 

Halfway through the vid, she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He didn't dare move, even to cover her with a blanket. This must have been the first time she'd slept in days by the looks of her. He studied her drawn and tired face, and couldn't help but to remind himself to make her take some supplements at least, if she wouldn't eat. She felt boney, as if food was a foreign concept she had yet not mastered. He supposed it wasn't an uncommon reaction to loss or overwhelming situations in general, to control something unrelated to the trauma, in order to make up for the lack of control in all other aspects of life.  

"How long was I out?" she asked once the video had ended. She crawled closer. He moved his arm around her shoulders, feeling more of her boney stature. 

"About an hour. Want to watch another?" He'd figured the combination of a movie and someone to watch it with would be the only way to make her sleep at the moment, his presence being one of very few ways to at least give her some feeling of safety. She nodded, and put another vid on. More horror. How had he not intervened before? In his office, the times she had stopped by to check on Scott, he'd seen her spiraling downwards for a while, how could he have let her sink this far? He must have let his guilt show, because when he looked down at her, she appeared to be examining his face. He smiled at her, in what he hoped was a calming smile.  

"I really appreciate this, Harry" She said, feebly. He hugged her close. He couldn't help but to keep the hug for a while. Once they broke apart, she closed in on his face. As if they were overcome with emotion, as if nothing else mattered, their lips met, opening and closing, tunges rubbing each other. He felt his insides burn. Until he remembered why she was here, with him- comfort, not to add onto her already heavy emotional burden. He wanted to, so badly, but she shouldn't be doing this right now. He would not take advantage, and he couldn't remove the one pillar of support she seemed to have left in life. As hard as it felt, he broke the kiss. "No" he said as softly as he could. She wasn't up for this, not now. She needed someone to take care of her, not to sleep together for a temporary relief. He caressed her cheek with his hand as he said it.

"Not like this. Not now". He didn't want to turn her away, but he couldn't do this to her, not in the state she was in. 

She nodded. He could tell she understood that this was not a rejection, it was a postponing. He thought, or at least hoped she could see why. He hugged her close, hoping the hug would say all what remained unsaid between them. 

"Hey Harry?" she said, feebly. 

"Yeah?" 

"Thanks." 

"For what?" 

"For being there for me" 

He smiled to himself, held her even closer, and left a kiss on her forehead. 

"Always." 

He finally felt her let go of all the tension she had felt. He released an arm so he could pull a blanket off the armrest, tucking her in. She rested her entire upper body on him, he hugging her close. After some 20 minutes, he felt her drift off to sleep again. He followed soon, into a quiet dreamless sleep, his last thoughts on Sara. He couldn't help to feel guilty how happy he was she had chosen to come to him for support, and he would not betray her trust in him to help her get through this. 


	4. Mess is mine

_To: Harry Carlyle_

_From: Lexi T'perro_

_Subject: Ryders Health_

_Harry, has Sara been to see you or Scott?_

_I went to see her this morning, but she's not in her quarters._

_I don't want to alarm you, but_   _I'm really worried about her._

_-Lexi_

 

The beep from his omni-tool put him out of his thoughts for a second. As he stood over the nearly unused stove, attempting to make pancakes, he poured some more batter in the pan, before replying.

 

_To: Lexi T'perro_

_From: Harry Carlyle_

_RE: Ryder's health_

_Lexi,_

_She's here. Staying in my spare bedroom._

_Look after yourself for once,_

_-Harry_

 

He hesitated for a slight second before he hit send. Would Lexi think this inappropriate? He certainly did at one level, on the other hand- nothing inappropriate had happened. Aside from the slip-up last night that was, but he had stopped that. After all, he was just looking after a friend. _It's not like she's my patient or anything_ , he thought, _and she needs someone she doesn't associate with a never ending growing pile of tasks to complete_. 

 

_To: Harry Carlyle_

_From Lexi T'Perro_

_Subject: RE:RE Ryders health_

_What's going on, Harry?_

_\- Lexi_

 

He could feel her harsh and slightly judging tone as if she was uttering the words right next to him. He knew what she was thinking- even though she didn't outright say it right now. At least not in writing. 

 

_To: Lexi T'Perro_

_From: Harry Carlyle_

_Subject: RE:RE:RE Ryders health_

_Later._

_\- Harry_

 

The reply took a while that felt like an eternity- as he pictured a million different replies from her: "This is inappropriate, Harry", "Harry, need I remind you she up until recently was a patient under your care?" or just a simple "What?". _No, she wouldn't just 'What' me, her style would be far more vicious and truthful than that_. She'd jump to conclusions, tell him this was unethical. She wouldn't be wrong, even  **he** thought this at the very least unethical, bordering on the inappropriate. But then again, this was Andromeda, not the Milky Way, so he really couldn't apply all of his ethical rules in these kinds of situations. To his surprise, Lexi did none of those things:

 

_To: Harry Carlyle_

_From: Lexi T'Perro_

_Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE Ryders Health_

_Make sure she eats, Harry._

_-Lexi_

 

Her complete lack of lecture baffled Harry for a second- if there was ever an Asari matriarch's award of fuzzing, she'd be the clear winner- despite not being anywhere near old enough for that. He did know her well enough to know she was not going to let this go anytime soon, even if he had expected more resistance than that. He dreaded the inevitable conversation he'd have to have with her eventually- especially since he had not been completely honest about his resignation from the pathfinder team. Not that he wasn't still feeling guilty about the death of Alec Ryder and he was genuinely convinced he wasn't up for another Habitat 7, but those were arbitrary and meaningless logical arguments to back up his resignation- not **the** main reason.

He suspected Lexi had already seen it once Sara had had her seizure in the med bay. How his face had filled with more dread than logical reasoning. How he hadn't hesitated in hooking her up to an AI to save her, despite his clear ethical reservations for doing so. He had slipped up- revealed this deep buried part of himself to her- this deep feeling he wouldn't even allow for himself to feel- in a moment of weakness. Harry figured it was only a matter of time before Lexi would have worked out his feelings by now, _feelings_ (he dreaded that he was addressing it as such, even to himself) he'd yet to figure out himself, unless she already had figured them out. And, even if she didn't know what it meant in the chaotic aftermath of Habitat 7, she was anything but oblivious to anyones mental state, especially his. She'd known him well for several years. _No, she knows_. He was convinced of it. 

In hindsight, his short reply of " _later_ " perhaps was not ideal- as it indicated there was a conversation to be had, rather than a sound logical explanation as to why Sara was staying with him. If he'd only had an explanation as to why he had invited her to stay, other than "she was crying and I can't stand to see her in this kind of pain, any kind of pain really". Not only that, but some primal, basic level of him actually  _wanted_ to be the one to save her, perhaps as a way to make up for his failure to save her father, to somehow redeem himself. Rarely since reaching adulthood had Harry wished for a time machine or a black hole to go live in more than he had now. _No_ , Harry thought to himself. _No. She's off limits, your own needs and feelings be damned._  

Hearing a noise from the living area, he figured the beeping of his omni-tool had woken Sara up. He heard her move towards the kitchen. Grabbing a mug of coffee out of its cupboard, filling it with coffee, he decided to speak first. "Do you prefer your coffee with or without milk, Sara?" 

"Black's fine" She replied shortly. He remembered she'd never been an early riser, and handed the cup over to her. Looking at her, he could spot the complete and utter perplexity forming across her face. "Thought you couldn't cook" she said, in what he perceived to be a slightly more cheerful tone than the monotony of yesterday, that brought him an inch of hope that what he was doing was working.

"Save the praises- you haven't tasted it yet" He joked back, as he gestured for her to sit down at the small kitchen table as he set it. 

 

***

 

 _Well_ , Harry thought to himself as they went outside for a jog, a reluctant Sara in tow, _at least we're not sneaking around_.  _People with nothing to hide do not sneak around. So here we are, two friends with nothing to hide, not sneaking around._ He didn't even know why he had to reassure himself like this- nothing inappropriate was going on, apart from his ... feelings.  _Platonic feelings, Harry. This is because you want to protect her, to help her, nothing more_. This was him trying to help her. He'd been feeling exhausted lately, that was all. That's why he felt confused. He had needed a plan. 

Harry had always been one for plans. He'd always prepare, execute and evaluate them. Everything in life could be boiled down to a recipe- and he'd done so for a very long time. Back in his younger days, he'd lay plans to ask someone out, (Go up, be charming, smile, get number, go back. Call within days), plans on how to preform medical procedures (Check for concussion: Talk. Scan. Test cognitive awareness. Test auditory response). Plans that left his mind free to joke around, make people relax. Recipes for life.

Ironically, and to Harry's greatest regret, no matter how hard he had tried; His ability to plan had never improved his cooking skills. Every other aspect of his life, however, would be planned into greater or smaller detail. It left very little room for failure. It was what made him so skilled at medical research. He'd always be able to calculate to a certain degree what would happen. An old friend had once made the very mean, but accurate observation that he'd plan every single aspect of his life with one half of his brain, whilst simultaneously joking around with the other. His friend had intended her observation as a joke. He had never really thought about it as a quirk before that day. 

This, he thought, might have been why Habitat 7 had hurt him so badly; Nothing had gone according to plan, and he did not know how to cope with that. Habitat 7 had exceeded his worst case scenario-plan so much it had nearly driven him to insanity. Long nights spent working so he wouldn't have to evaluate why this was, ultimately, his fault for not saving them.  _Fucking Habitat 7._

Harry's fondness for plans had applied in this situation as well. He had, prior to Sara showing up on his doorstep the day before, planned on going for a jog along the station. After having fed her however, he thought she might benefit from not staying in the dark on his couch, watching whatever chainsaw massacre she would go for next- so he formed a plan whilst she was picking out a movie to watch. He'd get her to go with him on a jog, have her see her brother, and then perhaps get her to eat something more later. It wasn't one of his more detailed plans, Harry had to admit, but any plan would be better than no plan. So, about 15 minutes before her movie ended, he had convinced her to come out for a run with him, promising the added benefit of him running interference should Tann or Addison try to drag her away. She'd accepted, under the premise that he'd not let them bore him to death, should such an event occur. 

" _How_ exactly will you make them go away?" She inquired as they stepped outside. The bright light outside enhanced her ghost-like features, and Harry had to remind himself once again that her recovery would take more than a nights sleep and some mediocre pancakes. 

"I'm very good at making people fear me" He had said in a low, mock serious voice. "Which I'm sure will come in handy once I take over in my bid for world domination." They kept jogging at a low pace, warming up. 

"Oh yeah, I forgot. The almighty dr. Harry Carlyle's reign of medical terror, what's your policy anyway: everyone has to take their vitamins or you'll send your army of sick people to cough at them?" 

"Something like that." he grinned.

"Gotta work on your platform if that's how you want to play it, Harry- newsflash, germs aren't really that scary"

"They should be. Have you ever seen them in a petri dish with a microscope?" He retorted. 

"Sounds like you'd have better luck with that little coup of yours if we were all Quarians" She mocked.

"I've got other tricks up my sleeve, Ryder. You'd be surprised how far people will go to avoid the simplest of medical procedures"

"Avoiding medical procedures, or just you, Harry?" She was finally smiling. This was working. His plan was going just as intended so far.

"Is that snark, coming from you, Ryder?" 

"I have my moments" She said and sped up.

 _ **That** , you do_. He thought to himself before following. 

He couldn't help smiling as their pace quickened, and they set off to some of the less crowded areas of the station. Throughout the hallways that had started housing research labs, empty offices that reminded him of the presidium, hallways that thanks to her wouldn't be empty for much longer. She seemed to enjoy herself, which was what he had intended. For her to do something that didn't involve working, fetching, going somewhere, killing something. Finally, it seemed her mind was somewhere much healthier than it had been the day before. 

At least he had gotten her mind of the state of things for the better part of an hour. Harry counted that as a victory. 


	5. Sitting

A few weekends into their living arrangement, Harrys cooking skills had still not improved in the slightest. Not for lack of trying, but after several failed attempts at making something besides pancakes both on his own and with the assistance of an even more disastrous Sara, he had had to admit defeat. The kitchen had won. After several tries, a few cut fingers and one rather nasty burn, they had come to the conclusion that the pair of them knew exactly 3 recipes that didn't end in a complete and total disaster, one of which was pouring cereal in a bowl. Harry remembered with disbelief the antics of last weekend when they had made a brave attempt at a proper English breakfast. _H_ _ow could we even think we'd pull that off?_  . Their attempt, albeit one made with the best of intentions- as a sort of recognition for Sara's colonization of Eos had proven disastrous all the same. Somehow, joining forces had just seemed to make their lacking in kitchen skills worse. It was kind of amusing, really. The pathfinder and the surgeon- beaten by a kitchen. 

"Well, we can't win every war," he had said. He had made the mistake of asking her how she'd made it through 26 years of keeping herself alive without learning how to cook. She'd retorted by referring to his 42 years of age without having mastered the art of feeding himself. Their exchange had somehow escalated into a food fight, hence their admission of defeat.

"Let's just praise the stars that mr chief-kett-douche-Archon-whatever I ran into the other day can't see me now: if he challenges me to a cook-off for the Helius cluster, we're all done for." Sara had jokingly admitted as they were eating their miserable attempts at fried tomatoes. He had joked he'd never in a million years imagined being better than anyone at cooking, a comment that earned him a spoonful of beans chucked after him. 

Despite their shared ability to transform the kitchen from looking clean and unused into a complete and utter pigsty in a matter of seconds, eating breakfast together had become a pleasant routine with Sara present, especially now her mental state had improved as much as it had. Lexi's insistence at regular shore leave so the crew could ease off stress had paid off. As an added bonus, Sara had stopped watching those god-awful splatter movies.  _Thank God for that._

Unfortunately for Sara, the team's regular presence gave Tann and Addison ample opportunity for regular meetings with their one and only pathfinder. Meetings Sara regularly described as "tedious, boring shitty seminars to boost their already over-inflated ego's" she hoped she'd "see an end to, soon, or else..." followed by muffled uninterpretable mutterings under her breath that always left Harry with a grin. In fact, most of their time together left him smiling. Harry couldn't deny that he enjoyed Sara's presence immensely- especially now she didn't look like she was on the verge of tears every time she came _home,_ as they had both now come to call their shared apartment.

Fact of the matter was that he hadn't really thought of it as a home prior to her moving in. She had taken the spare bedroom, still not understanding how he had gotten an apartment with such a thing. He had taken the opportunity to play coy around the circumstances of his rather large living space, mostly to tease her, until she had jokingly suggested he had slept with Addison in order to get such a place. 

"Alright, **_first_** of all, Ryder" he had said between her muffled giggles, "living arrangements aboard the nexus is Kesh's responsibility, **not** Addisons, and  **get your mind out of the gutter!** " She had burst out in full laughter, clenching her stomach, her face steadily turning more red by the second.

"I  **did not** sleep with Kesh, nor anyone else on this station for that matter." _Oh Lord, no. Don't go there. This is inappropriate, Harry. Stop it, now._ He cleared his throat, she was now clenching her stomach, howling with laughter. " **Second** of all: They built this station with a longer aspect of time in mind. There was a plan for people to have families here after a while, you know. And us commoners who **don't get to leave** whenever we want, got the bigger apartments. It's as simple as that. And stop laughing, damnit!" It had taken what felt like more than an hour for her to stop grinning at him. He took even longer to recover from accidentally divulging his non existent sex life. The matter had luckily not come up again. 

Although this particular exchange had left him embarrassed, their constant bantering after she had moved in, had really done wonders for his general mood as well as hers. Having assured her she could stay for as long as she liked, she seemed to relax a lot more, and had made herself at home after they had brought her footlocker with personal items into what had become her bedroom. 

***

He supposed it was partly due to her not looking like death anymore, but recently he'd gotten into what he ultimately deemed a very unhealthy chain of thoughts regarding Sara. He couldn't help but think he hadn't suppressed his emotions as well as he may have thought he had. First of all, Lexi had hinted at it the last time they saw each other, which frankly had left him a nervous wreck for days. Somehow, he'd convinced her there was nothing inappropriate going on between himself and Sara _. Which there isn't anyway, Harry, so just calm down._  He had had to remind himself of that a lot during that particular conversation. In hindsight however, it seemed she had accepted this faster than she would have given a normal situation. Also, there was what Harry had come to refer to as 'the dreaded and unrepeatable incident' in his own meditations. The last time she had left and they had hugged goodbye, he might have smelled her hair, just a little.  _At least it's better than you snogging severely depressed people whilst they're weeping on your shoulder_.

He'd tried to settle himself with that fact, regardless of how little comfort it actually provided. Not that Harry actually thought she'd noticed him sniffing her hair or anything, at least she hadn't commented on it. Nevertheless, her lack of noticing still didn't make hair-sniffing an acceptable thing for him to do, no matter how great her hair smelled. Besides, he was not about to ruin their friendship now, especially since it seemed their friendship had become such a large element of stability in both their lives, not just hers. Also, she might not technically be depressed anymore, but that didn't change the fact that they were both in positions were relationships would be a burden, rather than an asset. _So stop it Harry. You're lonely and she's hot. There's nothing more to it than that, so knock it off._ He had to repeat this as his inner mantra at a daily basis these days. Perhaps, in time, if he kept repeating this for himself enough times during the day, those dreams featuring himself and Sara, those dreams he refused to even acknowledge during the light of day would stop haunting him at night as well. 

What Harry did acknowledge, was that he had come to enjoy her company a lot more than he'd ever thought possible, especially since the list of shared interests seemed to keep growing for every conversation they shared. For instance, they both enjoyed hockey, were both big fans of strategy games, and both missed rock-climbing the most from earth. They both loved dogs despite never having owned one, and they were huge fans of playing video games. 

Harrys thoughts were still lingering on last weekend when he had beaten her at kepesh-yakshi, when a sound from her omni-tool followed by that very special groan she saved _just_ for Tann's very special emails made him snap out of his thoughts of her being a very sore loser- another shared trait of theirs. 

"Oh, what now?" He said, flipping a pancake, as redundant as his question was. He turned his head towards the stove so she wouldn't see him grinning. He already knew the content of the email she'd just received; Tann really was as predictable as clockwork. Nevertheless, he played along, as he always did.

"Is it the Kett sensation that's gripping the station? You know, if you finally  **have**  been challenged to that cook-off, I think I'll just find that escape pod to go live in now if you don't mind" He grinned at his own joke, just as much as he had when he had thought of it last night. This weekend was no exception from the previous ones; Tann was due for his weekly micromanaging seminar, starring Sara, Tann, and sometimes with the ever annoying Addison in a supporting role.  _If only there was only a nexus-awards for being complete and utter imbeciles. Addison and Tann would win that one outright._ He coughed to hide his smirk at this particular thought. He'd save it for later.

"Oh, I wish. Rather face a hoard of them than what I'm in for. Get this: Tann **_and_** Addison wants a meeting, together. Again. They had me for hours last week, what more could they possibly want? Urgh. Have I ever told you how much I'd like to space the pair of them?" 

Harry chuckled. 

"Only every time you get summoned. But come on. Surely it could be worse?" He said, bringing the last pancake out of the pan, onto the stack of pancakes he had spent the past 30 minutes working on. 

"Oh yeah, oh my gosh, I'm sooooo sorry, I forgot." She said, slapping a hand towards her mouth, feigning shock. "I **could** be stuck on the medical bay with Scott all day. That has got to be way worse. But seriously though, how you don't outright murder him is beyond me."

Harry once again kept his chuckle down, trying to assume a serious non-joking manner at which he failed miserably.

"I'll have you know I take my profession very seriously," He said, bringing the stack of pancakes to the table. 

"Besides, Scott doesn't do much talking in his current state, so any need, as you so eloquently put it, 'to **murder** him', isn't really there" He continued. She smirked. He thought she muttered something along the likes of "smart ass" before she once again spoke out.

"Any chance we can like.. I don't know.. switch up Scott's comatose brain with Tann's? That might make these meetings might be a bit more.... bearable." 

"What, and stick **me** with Tann? And here I was thinking you actually liked me, Ryder." 

"Hey- I'm a survivor. I'd throw you under the bus any day, Carlyle." 

"Yeah, yeah, eat your breakfast." Harry couldn't help but think that if she had just been a bit better at throwing someone other than herself under the bus once in a while, she might not have felt the need to take on every fathomable problem in Heleus as her own. Perhaps, in time, she'd learn to delegate, if even a little. He didn't like seeing her overwork herself, even if he'd never admit it to her. In part, he was afraid she'd point out that exact trait in himself.  _But at least I'm aware of it. I can stop when I want._

He sat down and took out his own data pad. This was now a well-exercised ritual: they'd eat breakfast together whilst working, eating, and talking in between. A few minutes passed before she yet again broke the silence. 

"Ohhh great. He sent an agenda. What's wrong with this guy, this thing is like 6 pages long! Damn. I'll be stuck until I'm 200 years old with a giant beard to boot if he continues at this rate. Got any sedatives to spare?"

"After throwing me under the bus like that? Nah, I think you'll manage well without them. Just get through it the old fashioned way." Harry said.

"What, by playing games on my omni-tool?" She asked, whilst scrolling through the agenda, her frown growing as she spoke.

"Yup." Harry said, whilst taking a sip of his coffee.

"So.... No sedatives then?" 

"None, what so ever." He said in a cheerful tone as if they were chatting about the weather.

"You know I'd never throw you under the bus if it came to it, Harry." She pouted. 

"And as much as I appreciate you saying that, I'd still not use my position as a physician to medicate you without there being a damned good reason for doing so. It's highly unethical, you know." He said.  _That, and if my staff keeps distributing them at their current rate, we'll be out of sedatives within a year or so._ He wasn't going to burden her with that right now. 

"What if Addisons life **depends** on me not being physically able to throw her out of the nearest airlock?" Sara half-pleaded, half struggling to keep herself serious.

"As long as **you're** not the one headed for space, I think you'll manage well without it." Harry had once again assumed his mock-serious voice. 

"What if I have Addisonitis? or Tann syndrome?" She said. 

"Addisonitis? Tann syndrome?" Harry nearly choked on his pancakes for laughing. 

"Don't laugh! These are veeery serious conditions you know. AND I know for a fact they're contagious- I think Kesh and Kandros might have it too! You're a doctor,  **do something** " she said, feigning hysteria. 

Harry made sure to swallow before speaking. "Alright, I'll bite. What exactly **is** Addisonitis and Tann syndrome?" 

"And you call yourself a doctor." She scoffed and continued: "It's characterised by an intense headache, followed by the want, no, the **need** to kill two twatwaffles called Addison and Tann. The only known treatments are insane amounts of alcohol, and/or locking them up somewhere they can seize being within reach of those afflicted." 

"I tell you what- if you promise to be a good pathfinder, and come back from your meeting without having spaced, locked in, or physically harmed anyone, I promise to bring alcohol home. I'll even sit through the entire re-enactment of how horrible it was,  **and** throw in being reeeeally invested in the 'top 5 stupid things suggested by Addison' **if** you'll leave your sidearm." He said, trying to stay serious. 

She pursed her lips and nodded. He decided it'd be best if he for the time being didn't inform her that there was such a thing as Addison's disease, though with a very different list of symptoms than the ones she described.  _Let's not add fuel to that particular fire, Harry,_ he thought to himself.

Although Addison and Tann could be tedious, boring people, he still felt there was something she had left unsaid. After a while, he gave in to his curiosity, and finally asked the question that had been lingering on his mind for the past few weeks. 

"What is it exactly with her that bothers you so much, anyway?" He asked.

"What do you mean?" She replied through a mouth full of food. 

"I get how they both could annoy you simply from existing- believe me- they check up on my medbay a lot, and they're every bit as two-faced now as when we first docked, but what exactly did  **she** do to deserve such.. for lack of a better word... hate?"

She swallowed, and took a deep breath before replying. Not a trace of the friendly banter that characterized most of their conversations.

"Well, I suppose it's because of Eos, really. You remember the pair of them tried to settle an outpost on EOS, not once, but twice before we got there, right? Site 1 and 2, Promise and Resilience. Research stations?"

Harry nodded. He had read a lot of reports on site 1 and 2, and his stomach clenched as he figured where this was headed. There was nothing funny about Promise and Resilience.

"Well, as you know: They both went belly up, leaving no survivors. They didn't stand a chance against the Kett. I spent two weekly rotations in both sites after having sorted out the vault, doing recon, sending out several survey probes, you know, the usual. Recon confirmed a huge Kett presence, so naturally, I'm not about to go and put loads of defenseless people on Eos a third time. So I make sure it's a military outpost, you know, because of that giant Kett base just a few klicks away?" Harry nodded, before she continued.

"Well anyway,  **she**  decided to give me a lot of grief over that.", she bitterly muttered, before continuing.  _Opening a can of worms before lunch, Harry. Well done._ He thought. He dreaded what he thought would come next. 

"So, there she is - having never even seen in person exactly how creepy her first little research project turned out, before she went ahead and repeated it. It's ... Disturbing, frankly, the lack of responsibility with her. She had the nerve to play stressed out about my promotion, if you can call it that, and **my** choices when she's the one who put people's lives in harms way, not once, but twice- learning nothing from her... mistakes. That just... OK, I understand she was acting out of desperation and all, and I try to keep that in mind as well as the fact that she doesn't have any military training. But not having been with the alliance does not excuse you for playing fast and loose with peoples lives like that, especially when you know the risks. Once is a regrettable mistake, twice? Well..." 

 _Also, you got personally invested the minute you started scanning and retrieving the bodies of every single one of those 'mistakes' of hers_. He remembered Lexi's email from way back when- and he wasn't about to ruin what  little she had left of the good mood from earlier, before their conversation had taken this very sinister turn. He had been furious himself- having had to wake a few colonists up to start working, for said colonists to discover members of their family had died. One in particular had lost the only remaining family he had to site 1. There really was nothing funny about Promise and Resilience. 

Sara took another deep breath. Harry looked up, trying to hide his own emotions towards this particular subject.

"So, when I came back for that meeting with Tann last week- after having  _just_  settled Prodromos,  **that's** when she had the audacity to chastise me over it being designated as military- completely ignoring the lives she lost. It's... it's just not ok." 

The thought of her getting reprimanded over this was appalling.  _You go live in an outpost, then, Addison_ ,  _and let's see how well you do against the Kett,_  Harry thought.  _God, I'm a child._  Harry had never liked Addison as well as Alec had done; She had reminded him of a particularly mean nanny he had had as a child. Nevertheless, he knew Alec would never have stood for that kind of behaviour. He decided to keep that for himself as well. 

"I can't imagine anyone with a decent head on their shoulders would think that was a reasonable thing for her to say, Sara" He finally said, softly.

"Well, no, you know Kandros, right? The head of the Nexus militia?" Harry nodded, and she continued: "Well, he ripped her a new one for even suggesting as such."

"Good man" Harry said, and made a mental note to buy Tiran Kandros a drink next time he saw him.

"Yeah, but still. It's... I guess if I had to narrow it down to just one thing, I'd say it's the tendency I don't like with her. I'm no psychologist, and I haven't really asked Lexi about it... But... I can't help but feel that she refuses to accept any responsibility for the first two outposts. I mean, yes, we  **are**  pioneers. So the first one going belly up- from a military point of view? Something like that was bound to happen at some point. We all knew there'd be risks going in, including those we lost as well as their families. But deciding to repeat it, in plain sight of the first one... I don't know. It's either sociopathic or irresponsible, and unfortunately I suspect it's the latter- which... I mean, I can work with, or at least around sociopaths, but stupidity? Well..."

"Yeah." Harry knew exactly what she was talking about. "You can't reason with stupid." He said.

"Exactly. And there's this whole thing from when the riots happened, her assistant, **Spender** " Harry had to keep himself from chuckling at the way she pronounced his name- she even had the same look on her face as when they had found moldy bread in his bottom kitchen drawer. "Well,  **he** had something to do with all the Krogan leaving, he's being a complete ass to everyone- Addison blatantly **refuses to see it!** " She said, taking a sip of her coffee. 

"Wait, Spender, isn't he the guy who at some point attempted to redirect supplies from keeping sleepers alive?" Harry had overheard an assistant of Kesh's mention him as he had been examining the nexus sleepers. Kesh herself hadn't named names, but she had been worried enough to call Harry to check up on them.

"Dingdingding, we have a winner! Now, _that one_ I know is a sociopath, and unfortunately for me- the incompetence isn't as strong with that one. I also suspect he's still in contact with some of the exiles, which given his position is shady at best. I just can't prove it yet." 

Harry didn't think he'd ever met Spender in person, but thanked the stars that he hadn't yet had to deal with him. 

"Sounds awful" he mustered up, thinking.  _How can I make this easier on her?_ He wanted nothing but to make it all go away, to at least relieve her of having to play politics on top of her already overfilled plate. She continued.

"And then there's Tann, whose solution to anyone disagreeing with him is to either throw them in jail or off the station to fend for themselves. It just doesn't sit right with me. None of this does. I get that it was desperate times and all, but come on... You can't just throw anyone who disagrees with you off the station- they're our people. Off course they were frustrated. He didn't even offer those he exiled a chance to go back into cryo.. Can you imagine?" 

Harry shook his head. The entire situation had been a complete clusterfuck. 

"Any word on them by the way? The exiles?" Harry had finally seen his chance to change the subject, to try to leave her in a slightly better state of mind for her meeting.  

"I don't have much to go on, really. Can't get a reading on any of the shuttles they used- they left way too long ago for a radiation tracker. Not that it matters anyway- some of those who left were smart enough to disable the ships internal trackers, probably the pilots. Oh well. I couldn't get a read on anything with the scourge about anyway. The Angaran people might know something, though." She said.

"What makes you think they might know anything?" Harry enquired.

"I suspect I'm not the first human they've encountered." She said, a dark look overtaking her normally beautiful features, her face assuming traces of someone who had seen a little too much in too short a time. The tactician in her made Sara look at least ten years older, like a seasoned warrior, rather than a young woman.  

"How so?" 

"They let me land, meet their leaders, _and_ let me bring one of their own with me. It doesn't make sense for anyone to be that trusting, especially not after having spent the past century dealing with the Kett. It makes me think they already knew what humans were. Their governor said something along the lines of me 'being the first outsider' to see their city, yet they don't refer to the Kett as outsiders. Makes me think they've met or at least seen several 'new' species recently and just don't know exactly how or what to name us. I don't know, maybe I'm grasping at straws."

Harry looked at her. He really didn't know what to say, a position he wasn't used to find himself in.

"You'll find them." he said in what he hoped would be a comforting tone. He only wished his comforting tone would somehow wash all her worries away, even though he knew there was little to nothing he could do about it. 

"Yeah.. I really hope so. It's not like I can ask Jaal about it either... Not yet anyway. I don't think he trusts us enough." she said. 

"Oh yeah, your Angaran liaison. I heard about him. Where's he staying by the way?" Harry struggled to hide his eagerness. 

"With Liam. They seem to have connected fairly well. Why? Got any more bedrooms for strays I don't know about?" 

"Hardy-har-har. I'm just curious. Lexi sent me the findings from his physical. Anyway, when you do find the exiles, be very careful. Remember they might not take kindly to initiative presence after that whole business with Tann." 

"Any advice? From a medical point of view?" She looked at him again. He couldn't help but think how much she in that very moment resembled her father. This wasn't Sara asking her friend Harry how to deal with some issue, this was the pathfinder asking the chief medic on board about how to handle a potentially dangerous situation.  _At least she's recognising the dangers of her profession now. That's something._

"Hmm. On the top of my head.. I'd say.. Hm. Well, I'd bring extra supplies, there's really no knowing how these past few months have treated them. I'd be genuinely surprised if no one's suffered some form of malnutrition in the very least, so stock up on some extra food rations and supplements if you can. Also, we don't know that much about what diseases and bacteria roams the Helius yet, so here's no telling what they might've encountered in regards to disease. Everyone was thoroughly scanned and examined prior to cryo, which ironically makes this a lot harder to predict- too many unknowns without proper protocols in regards to treatment or containment. As far as I'm aware, we don't even have as much as the common cold on board. Make sure your crew's up to date when it comes to proper quarantine procedures. I'll make sure to send a few crates of extra medical supplies your way, just in case. Lexi will know what to do with them." Harry concluded.

"Ha! With her, I won't even have to bring weapons. Ever seen her on the rampage?" Sara smirked. The pathfinder gone, leaving his friend Sara. For now.

"Unfortunately, yes." he retorted as they finished their breakfast. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberty with their ages. It doesn't make sense to me that the twins are only 22, and I never really pictured Harry as very very old.


	6. Thinking out loud

Harry had just come out of surgery, heading for his office after what had proven to be another strike-team failure. _God, how I hate this_. He was just going to check his terminal, and log the medical journal of the young man having perished. He had spent the past 6 hours trying to fix him, with no luck. Every time he had stopped one bleeding, three new ones had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Next of kin would need to be notified. _Great_ , he thought as he pulled the young mans file up, _both his younger brothers are still in cryo. What an amazing wake up call for them to get_. He logged it and moved on; He still had a mountain of paperwork on his hands. 

His terminal made a sound, and his chat programme opened. Sara wanted to talk. Harry checked the time, and it was indeed 6pm. They spoke nearly every day around this time, she knew he'd usually be having his dinner, and therefore be in his office, around this time. 

 

**Comm.Relay**

**Establishing link.**

**Sara Ryder, Online**

**Connecting**

**Harry Carlyle, Online**

 

 **Sara Ryder** : Hey

 **Sara Ryder** : Busy?

 **Harry Carlyle** : Not really. How's life?

 **Sara Ryder** : Can't complain. You?

 **Harry Carlyle** : Fine, fine.

 

Harry wasn't fine. He rarely was when she asked- but it seemed they had a sort of unspoken agreement never to tell the other how his day had actually been, or what she was about to do. _Somehow_ , he thought, _it's better to save all worries for a thrilling post-action tale._  That way, they could both focus on whatever task they had at hand. _If I know the details, I'll just have more reasons to worry_. 

 

 **Sara Ryder** : Want a survival tip from the pro?

 **Harry Carlyle** : Lay it on me.

 **Sara Ryder** : If anyone ever offers you to go to a place called Havarl: Don't. Seriously, the entire planet is a fucking death trap.

 

How good it felt, laughing for what must have been the first time that day. It was as if a weight he didn't notice he was wearing lifted off his shoulders instantly. 

 

 **Harry Carlyle** : That bad, huh?

 **Sara Ryder** : I swear, if it isn't the wildlife or the plants, or all the remnant about, it's the locals.

 **Harry Carlyle** : I thought Havarl was an Angaran planet?

 **Sara Ryder** : Yes.

 

His stomach clenched. They were getting dangerously close to details he wasn't sure he wanted to know, yet the thought of her in a dangerous position was just too much for him not to ask. 

 

 **Harry Carlyle** : What? They turned on you?

 **Sara Ryder** : Not exactly. It's complicated. I'll tell you over a drink when I get back. Whomever said Mathematics is the universal language was wrong. It's bigotry, in case you were wondering. Also, I found some Turians from the Natanus. Sending them your way as we speak.

 **Harry Carlyle** : You're kidding! Also, it's whoever. 

 **Sara Ryder** : Damnit, I'll never get that right. And no, I'm not kidding. There I was, out in deathtrap-jungle (my new name for Havarl by the way), looking for some missing Angaran scientists, and what do you know- I find some locals having themselves a little Turian hunt. They're on their way to the Nexus as we speak. Lexi'll brief you in like ten minutes or so- I think she ordered a quarantine or something.

 

Prepping for a quarantine. _Great_. As if Harry didn't have enough to do. He made a mental note to give Kandros and the on-staff psychologist a call, just in case. They hadn't prepped for this exact scenario yet, and if there was to be a quarantine procedure in place for new arrivals, he'd like to establish some sort of protocol or plan as to how to deal with them.

 

 **Sara Ryder:** There wasn't that many left of them, but at least it means the Natanus is out there. There's debris everywhere. Going to get some scanners up to see if I can get any more leads.

 **Harry Carlyle** : At least some of them made it. 

 **Sara Ryder** : Yeah, no kidding. Like I said, they were being ambushed by locals when we found them. Dumb luck we arrived when we did, really. Bullet grazed me. I'm ok though. 

His heart leaped. But he couldn't write that, nor could he write how he felt about her being injured. Harry wished he could tell her about the young man he'd spent the past 6 hours working on, and how it made him feel so useless with her being so far away, but he couldn't tell her that either. He settled for a gentle reminder to look after herself.

 **Harry Carlyle** : PLEASE wear your armor.

 **Sara Ryder** : Yeah, yeah.

 **Harry Carlyle** : It's not funny. Lexi told me you had taken your helmet off the other day. 

 **Sara Ryder** : I opened my visor FOR 5 MINUTES. Damned tattletale. It's super hot and humid out here you know. YOU try walking around in full armor on the planet deciding to be a sauna.

 

Harry smiled.

 

 **Harry Carlyle** : I don't have to, I'm not the pathfinder. I'm a doctor, who gets to work somewhere air-conditioned. And she means well.

 **Sara Ryder** : Yeah, yeah, I know, don't remind me. How's Scott doing?

 **Harry Carlyle** : Slow and steady progress. It'll be a while until he can wake up, though.

 **Sara Ryder** : Tell him I miss him, and he's being the biggest ass in Andromeda for missing this.

 **Harry Carlyle** : Every day through SAM.

 **Sara Ryder** : Thanks. Emphasis on him being a giant ass. Got to go. Will be home in a couple of days. Be advised, we haven't had time to properly debrief the Turians, hence the quarantine. 

 **Harry Carlyle** : Noted. Will alert Kandros and stand by for Lexi's debrief. Where to next?

 **Sara Ryder** : Somewhere very cold, apparently. Rescue mission for the Angara.

 

Harry knew not to ask. It was one of those discussions he knew not to enter into.

 

 **Harry Carlyle** : Be safe. 

 **Sara Ryder** : Same to you. 

**Sara Ryder disconnected.**

**Logging off.**

 

Harry checked the time. It was nearly 6:30 pm. He sent an email to Kandros asking for a meeting asap before deciding to call it a day for now. He could file the rest of his reports from home, and if he was to receive a quarantine party in a few hours he'd better get on top of the paperwork. Stopping by Scotts bed, he sat down and had SAM establish a connection.

"Hey Scott. How are you feeling?" Harry said.

"Hey doc. Not too bad actually. How are you today?" 

"Good. Good. Any pain or discomfort?" 

"Nah, whatever's in this IV is the best. Can't feel a thing, but have I been listening to the fleet and flotilla soundtrack on loop- or is that just my imagination?" 

"Haha, no. That's not just your imagination." 

It had been slightly annoying with the constant fleet and flotilla for the past week, so he noted Scotts response to external stimuli, before adding: 

"I'll make sure you get a little more variety. Also, I had a chat with Sara just now. She misses you, and wishes for your speedy recovery." 

"Thanks Harry... Tell her I miss her too..." Scott paused for a while before adding: "I'm getting kind of tired, do you mind if we call it a night?" 

"No, not at all. I've got a lot to do. I'll check in on you tomorrow." 

He logged off and made his way through towards the tram. He briefly considered if he'd have time to go to the gym, before his omni-tool beeped again, for what seemed the 100th time that day. Strike-team incoming, no major injuries, ETA 1 hour. He stopped and sighed. _Great_. _At least I'll have time to eat_. He turned around, and made his way back towards his office.


	7. Chacarron

Harry had just come home, sat down and had a drink when he heard the unmistakeable sound of Sara keying herself in. It had been a quiet week on that front, he'd heard from her as she left Aya, then nothing, except for the estimated time of arrival the day before. In truth, Harry was half expecting her to come home with a new scar or a missing limb. As the door opened, Harry put down his data pad and looked up. She looked normal. A little flustered, perhaps, but normal. Two arms, two legs, no bandages, yet Harry could tell something was terribly wrong.

"Welcome..." He stopped. She looked as if she was in a right state as she dropped her backpack on the floor and started undressing. 

".....home?". She threw her jacket and cargo pants on the floor. Harry tried not to look as she was wearing naught but a pair of boxers and a tank top until she jumped into a pair of sweatpants, and pulled her hoodie over her top. She looked just disturbed enough for Harry to decide **not**  to ask if naked Fridays was a thing she planned on enforcing, and decided on a more subtle approach as to figuring out what her undressing in their living room was about.

"Did you have a nice trip?" _What the hell is going on?_ He got up, bringing a glass of whiskey and the bottle with him. Moving slowly towards her, he got the sense that he'd find out what was happening soon enough; Her expression reminded him of how she usually looked when coming home from Nexus operations- a mix between disgust and disgruntlement- and if this was anything like that, she'd talk soon enough. She accepted the glass he was offering her, chugged its contents and held it out for a refill, looking at him- as if daring him to refuse her another until she talked. Harry stared back, she'd never win a staring contest against him, and poured her another. She took a zip, broke eyecontact, and walked slowly towards the table, where she put the glass down. Harry was observing her with caution- he hadn't seen her this flustered at the start of a shore-leave; she usually saved all the weird behavior for the hours directly following meetings with Tann and Addison, or late hours with a much higher blood alcohol level than he assumed she had right now.

_Enough. Just ask her._

"Sara? Are you all right?" Harry said. His mind began to wonder franticly for signs of this somehow being his fault.  _Oh God. She must have picked up on my smelling her hair again or something. This is why you don't smell peoples hair, Harry- it weirds people out._ _But then she wouldn't have messaged me from Aya. No._ Something had to have happened between her leaving Aya and reaching the nexus, Harry was sure of it. 4 days unaccounted for. Harry settled himself with the fact that he was bound to find out soon enough, if he'd just dig a little. 

Sara had sat down on the floor. Leaning against the couch, she had put her head in her hands and let her hair cover her face. She spoke with a very low voice, reminding him of those sounds one might hear from a wounded animal, just not as loud. Harry was sure his heart rate had reached a rhythm deemed medically impossible. 

"I might have to apologize to Tann" She finally said, sheepishly.

Harry nearly spat out his whiskey. Crisis averted, this made sense. Sara was about to eat a massive crow. 

"Do you... umm... Want to talk about it?" He topped his own whiskey off, and sat down on the floor next to her. Heart rate almost back to normal.

"You remember whenever we talk about the exiles, we always agree they got a raw deal?" She said.

_No way. She tracked them down. Son of a bitch, she did it._

"You found them, didn't you?" He asked. 

 _So that's why I haven't heard anything besides time of arrival all week. It must have been bad._ Harry had so mant questions. Were they alive? Were they sick? Were they hurt? Did anyone get hurt? It was like she was reading his mind, because she immediately started talking. 

"They've fucking reverted to primitives, Harry. There were friggin' HEADS ON SPIKES, beatings in the street! .... Oh, and cannibals. Yah! Fucking Cannibals!" She sounded demented. Harry was used to her not speaking cohesively after long meetings or way too much drinking, and once after having suffered a terrible loss playing chess, but not after a mission. Luckily, being a medical professional, combined with being Harry gave him the benefit of having an exact recipe for decoding this level of crazy. _Calm her down, make her sort the information out chronologically, figure out exactly what happened, and when. Comfort._

"Sara, I'm very sorry, as much as I do appreciate theatrics and all, you're not making very much sense at the moment. Slow down, take a deep breath, and start from the beginning.. As cohesive as you can, preferably..." 

She took several deep breaths along with another big zip of whiskey before starting. _What on earth had happened to make her this disgruntled?_ She didn't **look** injured, but gone were the days Harry expected injury to be completely visible and purely physical. Had someone died? No, not on her team, Lexi'd be required to notify him, and no such notification had arrived. Any major injury required for Lexi to report it as well, and a broken bone did not a distraught pathfinder make. 

"Well, I was right, after all. The Angaran did in fact know where they went. Ever heard of a place called Kadara?"

"Umm.. No?" _Should I have?_   

"It's an Angaran-run port. Or, it used to be anyway. That's where Kandros' predesessor went, and apparently turned herself into some sort of... I don't even think there's a word for what she turned into, but let's just say it a mix between insane dictator and .... the mob."

"Allright. She's a mobtator. Where does the heads on the spikes get into the picture?" Harry asked, calmly.  _Have her sort it out chronologically._

Sara burped, and looked as if she was about to throw up.  _How bad could this possibly have been?_ Harry thought, as Sara rummaged around her rucksack, pulling out her datapad. She logged in and opened a file containing what appeared to be footage from her body cam. Sara, Vetra and Drack were exiting the Tempest and walked towards what looked like a port. Then he saw them; Kett heads, mounted on spikes.

"That's... disturbing." he said. 

"That's not all. Just wait." Her voice getting high pitched.

She showed a clip from what appeared to be Sara interfering with some armed guards kicking what appeared to be an unarmed civilian. Then a clip from entering .... what the hell- a throne room? No, couldn't be. 

"Is this... For real?" He asked. Sara didn't reply. She just stared out into the room, looking very defeated and a little green.

He heard her voice "That's quite the throne. Should I bow? Kiss your ring?"

"Such diplomatic skills on you" He teased. Maybe teasing would make her feel a little better. She just kept staring out into the room, still with a mortified look on her face. 

"It gets worse" she croaked and had another sip of whiskey, still staring at the same spot on the wall. 

"How much worse can it- Oh. God. Sara... Really? Threatening people who enjoys putting enemies heads on spikes. That's like asking for-"

"It gets worse."

" **How** can **this** possibly get any worse?"

Then he Sara disarming the Turian guard that had stood next to Sloane Kelly moments before. 

Now it was Harry's turn to sit down with his head in his hands.

"You didn't!" he said.

"There's more." She said feebly, and shifted to another video.

"How can there possibly be... Ah. You broke in and got him anyway."

She stared into blank air.

Harry put the datapad on the table, and looked towards her, a hand on her shoulder. 

"Alright. Tell me what happened, what went through your head, your reasoning. No judging, I promise."

"What, you don't think that was a stupid thing to do?"

"It's not my job to judge or second guess your decisions, there's a whole department down in operations for that. So tell me, what happened?" He smiled and squeezed her shoulder. She needed to know he supported her no matter what she did, maybe except for deliberately getting herself hurt. 

"I don't know... I just.. I blanked. Her guards were beating people up in the streets for protection fees they couldn't afford, she puts enemies heads on spikes... I just... You just don't put your enemies heads on spikes, Harry, it's insane. Somehow, she's... worse.. I mean, I wasn't expecting a saint or anything, but this? This is a complete new level of psycho!"

"Well," Harry said and lifted his glass to toast, "I'm glad you made it out of there alive. But next time you see her, please don't... agitate her. Okay? I'd rather you swallow some pride than find out how your head looks like up on one of those things"

Sara nodded, then continued.

"Ugh. I have to go back there at some point. I saw a monolith in the distance, that means there's a vault. I don't think all exiles are bad, I really don't- I did meet some decent ones, and I **do** think a lot of them traded in their somewhat miserable lives on the nexus to live under a tyrant. Like... You know, she wrongfully evicted someone from her little kingdom? Yeah! When I found the lady, she was about to be eaten by cannibals. It's... I.. Just look!" 

She pulled her datapad up again, and showed Harry another video from her bodycam, walking into a house, blood and remains spattered everywhere. Sara appeared to be securing the room, holding a gun. Harry had always had a strong stomach, but this made him want to throw up. He'd never seen anything this disgusting in his life. 

"Is she... in a cage?" Harry asked with disbelief. How was this even possible? These people had been vetted, brought here after rounds and rounds of physical and mental checks, put in stasis to travel for 600 years, only to... Eat other people? This didn't make any sense. 

"Another hour, and she'd be done for, and I mean that literally, not figuratively. You can't imagine the smell, Harry!" 

"This is fucking insane." 

"I think I might be going insane" she said. He'd rarely seen her look so defeated. Harry looked at her with disbelief.  _How could she even think that?_

"No, you're not. If this scenery didn't affect you at all,  **that** would be cause for worry. What you went through down there was insane. Have you showed this to Lexi yet?"

"Yeah, I have. She said.. well, something like what you just said. But still... This was 2 days ago, and I still feel it on me- the smell. It's the one thing vids can't show you, you know. I've showered like 8 times in two days, and somehow, I still feel blood somewhere- on my gun, on my armor, in my nose... I've half a mind to go and boil myself once more now to tell you the truth."

Harry knew a lot of things. Things about the brain, about the body, and he had come to learn a lot about Sara. He knew there was only one cure for what she was experiencing: Lots and lots of alcohol, and a friend to confide in. 

"Alright" Harry said, putting down his glass, rising to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Sara frowned.

"To get more." He said, picking his jacket off the coat hangar.

"More what?" she asked. 

"Food and alcohol." He said, smiling as he closed the door.  


	8. Liability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Harry makes a move.

"Ok, so.. Here's the plan." Sara said, as she put down her glass.

They had been sitting on the floor since Harry had came home with food and alcohol. Somehow, in the later hours, Harry's arm had wrapped itself around her shoulders, and her head was resting on his shoulder. They'd put on some weird old movie and forgotten all about it, talking had made following the plot an impossible task. This had seemed beneficiary- as Sara's spirits had lifted considerably- she had even made a joke or two within the past hour. 

" **Really** , you have a plan. How shocking. I assume it includes running away and hiding from any responsibility?" Harry mocked. This, as so many other aspects of their lives- was a well revised routine, right down to Sara's reaction in form of a smirk.

"Shut up Carlyle. And yes, it **might** include running away. **But** we get to go and start a farm somewhere" she said. 

Harry chuckled. This was a ludicrous scenario, one of which he was happy to play along with. He'd be lying if he didn't admit that he really loved their secret plotting to run away, no matter how wild their plans became. It was childlike in a way- how they would plot all these wild plans of hiding. A safe game of pretend which went from just using fake mustaches and glasses, to full scale aliases. 

"A farm? Oh come on, we'd be bored to death before long." Despite their living room having a slight spin to it, Harry still enjoyed every single moment of this conversation. No more of the worried anxious pathfinder Sara, he was left with the loving caring friend of whom he shared such an intimacy he'd rarely experienced with anyone, and the times he had- it had never been this comfortable and intimate at the same time. 

"I don't know, I think I'd appreciate some peace and quiet, actually. At least for a week or so" Sara said.

"That's not running away, that, my dear. That is called a vacation, and sign me up for that." Harry said and refilled his glass.

"True... Ya, so farm a no go?" She pretended to cross off a list, and let out a burp before she lifted her glass to a cheers and continued.

"What do you want to do then, Harry?" 

"Hmm... I don't know. Pirates maybe?" 

"If I ever were to turn pirate, for anyone, it'd be for you, Harry." She said. Her lack of sarcasm baffled Harry for a second. Was this an invitation?  _Fuck it._  He needed to know. If this ultimately was going to lead to rejection, Harry couldn't think of a better setting in which to be rejected anyway, by making a move- just to test the waters- whilst engaged in drunken shenanigans. If this went south, he could always be able to explain his confession of attraction away later: Lonely and drunk would be an explanation anyone could get behind.

Harry looked at her, smiling. She returned his smile. How much he loved to see her smile. Everything from the way her mouth curved in a lovely heart shape on her upper lip. to how the edges of her mouth turned slightly upwards on its own. Harry wanted nothing but to make her smile for as much as he could, for as long as he could. She leaned her head onto his shoulder, her arm resting on his thigh. Harry tightened his hold on her shoulder as he kissed her forehead. She seemed to just try to dig herself deeper into his arms.

"How much did I fuck this up, Harry?" she asked, sounding tired, but not defeated.

"You haven't fucked up that bad, not really". He tried to reassure her as much as he could. 

"Your faith in me is... How? How do you keep faith in me, whilst all I do is fucking up." She asked.

"I focus on every single good deed you've done since we arrived. Its starting to grow into quite the list, you know. Don't worry. Everyone fucks up now and then, and this isn't really a fuck up, not if you think about it." Harry said.

"How so? I made threats towards Sloane. Great way to start off a diplomatic relationship if you ask me.." She said.

"Yeah, well...  Somehow, I don't see Tann and Addison minding that 'clusterfuck' as much as you do. And in any case: This too, shall pass. If anyone gives you shit about it- fuck 'em. They're not the ones out there busting their asses, putting themselves at risk every day so we all have safe places to settle down. They couldn't walk 2 steps in your shoes." Harry finished.

"Thanks, Harry." Sara said.

"I mean it. I believe in you." He said

She leaned even further into his arms. He held her tighter, and kissed her forehead once again. She looked into his eyes. Did she want him to kiss her? Harry wanted nothing but to get as close to her as possible. What if he fucked it up, though? He had to check, once again, just to make sure.

"Sara?" He asked, hoping this might solve all the unsaid between them. Hoping she'd understand that this was more of a question than him just saying her name.

"Yeah?" She looked at him. A smile formed as they just looked at each other. She didn't look upset. She looked content as she smiled up at him, blue eyes fixated into his green. 

Had Harry not been drunk, he wouldn't have done it. He'd have told himself how stupid it was and how this would fuck everything up, how he shouldn't do this, how he should control and suppress his emotions. How this would ruin everything he had with her. But Harry's inner monologue had long since gone to sleep, somewhere between whiskey number 3 and 7, and whilst his frontal lobe was relinquishing more of his control by the second, he still felt he was in more control of his own life than he had felt in a very long time. Screw planning and thinking, to hell with denying himself the chance to at least try for happiness.

He leaned in, his right hand caressing her cheek. Her hand had somehow wandered to his side, touching his ribs. 

The tension was unbearable and wonderful at the same time. As his lips met hers, he realized how natural this felt- as if they had been doing this forever and just temporary forgotten this was what they were supposed to do as much as possible. 

Her incredibly soft lips parted, and he felt her tongue seeking his. He felt his own grip tightened around her shoulders and waist as she straddled his lap. How good it felt as both her hands were caressing his face as they broke apart. He loved the taste of her. They stared at each other for what seemed forever. She caressed his cheeks for a second. Looked into his eyes. She smiled and gave a nervous chuckle. Harry smiled, as she went in for a second kiss, their third. They. Sara and Harry. He liked the sound of that. There they were, Sara and Harry, drunk off their asses, making out on the floor. Undressing each other. 

His insides were burning, roaring, dancing all at the same time. His heart rate elevated as her hands had wandered under his shirt, warm, soft hands feeling his skin. As she was removing his shirt they broke apart and he looked at her. Somehow, whilst removing his shirt, she had removed her tank top- or maybe he had done that. They studied each other for a second before once again locking in a tight embrace. Her skin felt so incredibly soft and warm against his. He wanted to touch and kiss every single inch of her. He held her and turned her over on her back, kissing more ferociously than before. As her legs locked around his waist, he was moving down her neck, placing kisses along the way, towards her breasts, Sara interrupted:

"Want to.. Move this party to the bedroom?" 

Harry could hardly believe it. Although every instinct he'd normally possess would be screaming not to, that sleeping together would be crossing an unspoken border of their friendship that would be hard to return from, he had no objections at that very moment. Fact was, Harry didn't want to have any objections to this. He didn't want to think. 

"Yeah. Let's..." an intense beeping from both their omni tools snapped him out of it. The urgency made him sit up and check what could possibly be so urgent that someone had dared to disturb this. 

"What the..." He said as he opened his email. Harry looked at the notice he had just received. He silently made a solemn oath to kill whoever had dared to disturb this fantastic wonderful moment of happiness, until he saw who had sent it. _That motherfucker._   

"Tann wants a meeting tomorrow morning." he said, whilst frantically looking for the reason he'd been summoned. Usually he'd get a few days notice, sending an urgent notification less than a day before did not seem like Tann's style. _Something must have happened_. 

"You too?" Sara said. This was most peculiar indeed- they'd never been called to the same meeting, she usually just sat down with Tann,  **sometimes** accompanied by Addison, having anyone else attend their weekly progress reports was a rare occasion- even Kesh and Kandros' attendance at these things were sparse. Harry usually attended the weekly department head meetings, usually as a result of Saras progress reports- not with Sara in the room. 

"Looks like it. Wonder what he wants with both our asses in there?" Sara said. 

"He also wants Kesh, Kandros and Addison by the looks of it. Wonder what this is about." Harry replied as he was looking for a reason or explanation as to why they'd both not only been summoned, but with little time to prepare. On "misc", it had appeared. 

"Allegations of misconduct? What the... Oh, Lord, I bet it's Charlie, again.." he murmured. 

"Charlie?" Sara asked.

"Yeah. Charlie Bekker. A medtech of mine. He's been... lonely, lately. I've received some complaints." Harry said.

"Why bring me into it though?" She asked, sitting up. 

"I don't know. Maybe he's finally crossed a line for this to be discussed by every department head or something." 

"Really?" Sara said.

"I never told you how bad it's been. Kandros had to step in the other day, he was stalking Lieutenant Sajax, and that's just one episode." 

"Wow. Do you think that's why they called us all in? To exile him?" Sara asked.

"I don't know.. It's way too late to speculate right now. We should probably catch some shut eye"

She looked at him. 

"yeah... we... probably should."

They both got up, him shirtless, her wearing nothing but her sweatpants and a sports-bra. They studied each other for a second.

"We should probably talk about .. um... this at some point as well." he said. Heart racing. This was it. This was the point of no return for whatever had happened between them. This was him giving her an out- an "oh gosh, we shouldn't be doing this whilst drunk", a "maybe we should stay friends", or even a "shit. what did we just do?". All acceptable things for her to say- she didn't owe him a relationship. Harry's common sense was creeping back to him as he thought. What had he done? This was inappropriate- Sara- 16 years his junior- in a vulnerable position, and here he was, Harry, her friend, taking advantage? _You're despicable, Carlyle._  

"Yeah... Ok, so.. Here goes.." she took a deep breath and continued. 

 _Here it comes. Handle it like a man, and move on, Harry_ , he thought as he braced himself for the worst. 

"I really like you, Harry. So let's just.. See where it goes?" She said, looking him straight in the eye, a determined look in her eyes. A hint of blush creeping up her cheeks.

Harry nearly choked. He had prepared himself to be a good sport about this, to tell her not to worry, that they'd both been drunk off their asses and that he was willing to forget all about it and move on as well, but here she was, uttering the sweetest words of confirmation- she liked him.

"I.. Like you too, Sara. Let's just... leave it at that for now and see where it goes?"  Harry finished, and as she nodded, he felt relief sweep over him as she smiled at him. 

"Yeah... I'd like that. Good night, then" She said. 

"Yeah.. Good night, Sara." 

As Harry was getting himself to bed, shirtless still- he thought of all the possible scenarios for them both being summoned. It couldn't be related to them kissing- **that**  was a coincidence. Could it be Charlie had crossed an uncrossable line? Harry hated not knowing, he needed a plan to deal with whatever was going to happen tomorrow- which he couldn't make before knowing what was going to happen. Allegations of misconduct... If not Charlie, then who? Or What?

Maybe Addison wanted to apologize for being a complete and utter twat. 

Maybe both Addison and Tann wanted surgical help to remove their heads out of their asses. 

Maybe Charlie really  **had** done something insane and was in for exiling.

Maybe they were in for nothing but boring meetings.  

Sara liked him back.

He smiled as he lay on his back before drifting off to a dreamless sleep.

 ***

"Your relationship is inappropriate" Tann said. They had finally landed on miscellaneous, allegations of misconduct. It had taken Tann a surprisingly short amount of time to get through the first half of the meeting, Harry figured it made sense- it seemed Tann and Addison had been looking forward to this. 

"With all due respect, we are not in a relationship. We share an apartment. We cook, somewhat disastrously, and watch old movies- sometimes whilst drinking. We have no professional relation, so I'd hardly call it inappropriate, nor fraternization in the military sense of the expression." Sara said. 

"The chief of medicine aboard the entire station and the Pathfinder should not be roommates, if that's what you really are! The rumors circulating are... disturbing" Tann said.

"Spirits, Tann, don't get your panties in a twist. Why are you so damned interested anyway, didn't think Salarians even possessed a sex drive." Kandros interrupted.

"We're not..." Harry tried to chime in, with no luck. It was clear Tann was on the rampage, with the support of Addisons weird nods and crossed arms. Harry now understood perfectly well why Sara was constantly joking about wanting to airlock them- he too thought he might be suffering from Tann syndrome and Addisonitis himself. _What a complete and utter mess_.

"Just because we as a species don't engage in such behavior, doesn't mean we don't understand how it works. And you Turians are hardly the appropriate members of an ethics board". Tann said, which made Kandros argue back. 

"Harry was promoted to chief medical officer on the Nexus, and moved onto an apartment here, correct?" Sara finally interrupted, sharply.

"Yes? I fail to see how you knowing your **shared** address is relevant to this " Tann sounded annoyed, which pleased Harry more than he thought possible. _Good_.  _Show him how it's done, Sara,_ Harry thought.

"Well, I'm the human Pathfinder. I'm supposed to be Hyperion based and answer to captain Dunn."

"Technicalities." Tann shrugged.

"Oh, but you seemed very keen to discuss technicalities before- why not now?" Kesh said. 

Tann went silent. Harry looked over on Kandros who seemed to find this incredibly funny, as he seemed to be snickering. 

"So, if I am to understand this correctly, there's no direct line of supervision, and I'd hardly think the Andromeda Initiative would want for people not to interact with each other, I mean, that just seems counterproductive with that whole department responsible for reproduction on Eos, don't you think?" she continued.

"It's still inappropriate." Addison said. This was the first time Addison had opened her mouth, and had Harry not been furious, he'd cross off the a square of his and Saras makeshift bingo-board of things they had expected Addison and Tann to do or say during the meeting. Breakfast had been great in that regard- they'd settled into their usual routine of eating and talking, like nothing had happened. Harry had relaxed- and figured that even though the prospect of dating Sara was all he wanted, he still hadn't lost 'room mate Sara'- the Sara he could joke around with and not be a complete nervous wreck around. 

"Tann, Addison, as much as I appreciate these ridiculous accusations of nonexistent sexual misconduct, I'd rather get on with the meeting, ludicrous as it is. I have patients to see." Harry finally managed to squeeze in between ever escalating arguments between Sara and Addison.

Sara looked at him, a mixture of shock and smiling on her face. It was clear from Addisons face that this wasn't going at all the way she must have imagined this would go. 

"Dr. Carlyle, I think this is more important than-" Addison started.

Harry interrupted. 

"Frankly, it is not. I have patients that needs surgery, follow ups from said surgeries and general care to provide. We're a staff of 12 medical doctors and 25 med-techs- 10 of which are regularly deployed with strike teams, tending to over one hundred severely injured patients around the clock. That leaves us with 3 doctors per shift, 4 if I push my staff beyond what is legal or safe to ensure adequate patient care. They are **people** and they need time to recuperate between shifts, or they start making mistakes, which in my profession turns fatal at the blink of an eye. Despite this, we are repeatedly denied requests to wake up more doctors. Requests to use adequate anesthesia goes completely unanswered. **Witch means** that every time you authorize any operation of any kind, you are potentially injuring people whilst denying them their right to the best possible recovery. We have amputees that has had to be put back into stasis because we don't have recourses to clone new limbs for them, patients with severe nerve damage who are in pain and beg to go back to stasis but can't because amputees gets priority, and an alarming increase in alcohol-related injuries onboard this station. To deal with all of that, we have **one** " he waved his finger to illustrate:

" **one** on-staff psychologist to deal with all the PTSD, the alcoholism and the cases of injuries related to long term isolation since we've had to re-train our staff psychiatrist in anesthesia in order to be sure we at all times are able to maintain a functioning operating theatre, yet you seem more attentive to the pathfinders and mine living situation! It's despicable, completely negligible at best, and I don't appreciate what you're implying by charging us with allegations of misconduct!" he finished.

"Dr. Carlyle, had Prodromos been a science-based outpost, we would have had those rescourses for you, but -" Addison started.

"Oh, don't give me that, you miserable hag!" Harry interrupted. He felt his own blood boiling. "Had Prodromos been a scientific outpost in stead of military, there'd been even fewer doctors and researchers, because of that huge Kett base about a 5 minute drive from there, and you damn well know it! Don't you dare defend what you did, Addison. Once is a regrettable mistake, twice is unforgivable. So I tell you what, why don't you get your own god damned house in order before you come after mine. Was there anything else, or do you just enjoy just wasting peoples time? Director Tann? Addison?" 

Harry was on his last nerve. _How dare they?_ Harry looked around the room. The tension was unbearable.

"There's still the issue of the exiles." Addison said. 

"What about them?" Kandros asked, sharply. Kandros must have picked up on what Harry had picked up as well- if they couldn't come after Harry  **and** Sara, they'd attack Sara in stead.

"They need to be handled! They are a danger to society, and we should agree on how to interact with them at this time. Especially after Ryders little.... mishap, the other day." This prompted Harry to laugh. Classic Addison technique.

"You know, Tann, I'm really surprised at you. You were number 8 in the line of succession, you of all people in here should understand what it's like being thrown into responsibility you did not ask for. Yet you keep defending and aligning yourself with Addison who, contrary to yourself was deliberately chosen for this. Need I remind you that Addisons list of accomplishments so far extends to pissing off every department head AND the pathfinder. That's if you don't take Promise and Resilience into account. So here's a suggestion: The pair of you can fuck off. If you hadn't exiled one of the Nexus' best trauma-surgeons, Dr. Nakamoto, perhaps you'd find someone to help you remove that giant ignorant head of yours from out of your ass. I'd gladly offer my services, but I'll be busy trying to save the lives of people this one" he nodded towards Addison and continued, "keeps trying to send to their graves every single chance she gets. Was there anything else?"

Tann looked as if Harry had smacked him in the face. Addison put her head in her hands. Kandros mouthed "cheers" with a hand gesture. Sara looked completely dumbfounded. Harry didn't blame her, they'd only worked together briefly- and she'd only known him to be a calm, safe figure who rarely showed as much as a bit of snark in a setting such as this one. She had never really seen his recent bouts with the never ending incompetence being Addison and Tann. Harry had gotten used to, in order to keep calm, to suppress any annoying people in his line of work. This however, had proven a golden opportunity to tell Tann and Addison exactly how he felt about the rather hopeless situation. 

As they adjourned the meeting, Harry, Kandros and Sara exited slowly after Kesh, who turned around and mouthed "my office, party." As if they were all too afraid that the slightest sound would make them scream in exitement, they made their way towards her office. The door closed behind them, and they all looked at each other for a second before bursting out laughing. 

*** 

As Harry was walking Sara to the docking bay the next morning- after a long night containing lots of celebrations, his omni tool beeped. 

"Oh, what now?" Sara smirked.

"Listen to this: 

_'Dr. Carlyle,_

_In light of your bringing some issues to my attention, I will let you pick 4 doctors and 10 additional medical technicians from cryo._

_Please make a list of names, to be submitted no later than the staff meeting in two days._

_Regards,_

_Director Tann_ '

and then he lists titles and all that. What the...?" Harry read out loud. 

"Wow. He decided on a more reasonable approach. I wonder why that is?" Sara was acting a bit too casual about this. 

"What did you do?" He asked.

"Nothing. Kandros might have sent an email late last night stating that he'd refuse to deploy any more strike-teams until he could guarantee their safety, though." Sara said.

"So that's what the two of you were doing when Kesh and I was out getting food last night. We thought the pair of you seemed a little too cheerful when we came back." Harry said.

"What can I say, I enjoy seeing you so decisive. I especially enjoyed you offering to remove Tanns head from his ass. Thought I'd piss myself for laughing. I think I'll have SAM save that recording so I can have fun with it later." 

"Send me a copy, will you?" Harry said as they walked the few remaining feet towards the elevator that would be taking her away again. 

"So. I'll be home in a few days..." she said, looking up at him. 

"Look after yourself. Ok? Don't... injure yourself." 

"I promise I'll be careful" She smiled. 

They were standing in the deserted docking corridor, and with no one around, she placed her hands around his neck, as he leaned in for a kiss. 

"I mean it. Be safe" Harry said as they broke apart.

"Yeah yeah, I will, **doctor**. But you might have to confine me to bedrest once I come back, though"

He kissed her again. He wanted to savour every second of this, knowing the next few days would feel like several months. 

"You've got yourself a deal, **Pathfinder**."

 

As he stood and watched the Tempest take off, he smiled. Nothing could ruin his day now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for this taking so long, exams are at a point where I think they might actually kill me. Also, writing kissing/love scenes is a very hard thing to write about for me. Anyway, here it is. Feedback is highly appreciated as always.


	9. Hollow Talk

Harry had just returned to his office a little later than usual. His list had been approved, and he was finally giving the green light to wake up a long list of professionals, a trauma surgeon, another anesthesiologist, two orthopedic surgeons and several med-techs. He felt good- he had even gone to fetch a cup of coffee- the sooner he could implement the additions to his team, the sooner his already overworked team could get some well deserved time off, and more humane hours. Although four doctors didn't really do a lot to lessen anyones workload, it was a significant change to their schedules. 

As he closed the door to his office, he heard his terminal make a sound. Just like clockwork, he knew who it was, and his stomach was doing summersaults at the thought. He put his coffee down, turned on the terminals screen, and sure enough. Sara wanted to talk. A warm feeling spread as Harry logged in. 

 

**Comm.Relay**

**Establishing link.**

**Sara Ryder, Online**

**Connecting**

**Harry Carlyle, Online**

 

 **Sara Ryder** : Can you please, please, please have a talk with Lexi?

 **Harry Carlyle** : Why? What did she do?

 **Sara Ryder** : She banned food!

 

 _Lexi didn't ban food, probably,_ Harry thought. 

 

 **Harry Carlyle** : Why? Did you try to cook something with the plastic still on? Or did you blow up the galley? 

 **Sara Ryder** : Ha ha. Very funny. Not. Suvi however did. Sort of. She licked a rock. So now we're all being punished by being confined to nutritional paste. Have you ever had that shit? It's awful.

Harry looked at his email, and sure enough- there **was** a report from Lexi waiting, describing "an anaphylactic shock from ingesting unsafe material, resulting in swelling, followed by syncope. Adjusting dietary restrictions".  _Headings were never amongst Lexi's biggest strengths._  Nevertheless, he knew the style of that email all too well. Lexi had worried herself over this, thus gotten very angry, and implemented some insane rule. Knowing Lexi, Harry knew said insane rule would be lifted a few days from now, but telling Sara that would deprive Harry of just too golden an opportunity to poke fun.  

 **Harry Carlyle** : Serves you right for licking stuff.

 **Sara Ryder** : I didn't lick anything.... yet.

 **Harry Carlyle** : I'm sure you didn't, and despite your innuendo I will not micromanage what decisions Lexi makes in the field though.

 

 _Also that would make whatever insane rule she implemented this time last 4 times as long._ Harry knew a lot about Lexi. He knew she was a brilliant physician, skilled surgeon and a kind Asari. He also knew not to anger her. 

 

 **Sara Ryder** : Pretty please? Technically you're her boss, and I thought you liked me? 

 **Harry Carlyle** : I do like you, a lot, in fact. Unfortunately for you, you are out of luck- Lexi scares me more than you do. Sorry.

 

Harry wasn't the slightest bit sorry, he was, in fact laughing out loud.

 

 **Sara Ryder** : Coward.

 

_Still not sorry._

 

 **Harry Carlyle** : Getting hangry already I see. I tell you what, how would you like some Italian when you return as a peace offering?

 **Sara Ryder** : As much as I would love that, I still think pasta all over our walls would look atrocious, especially with the current color scheme. No offense.

 

 _She has a point, it really would,_ Harry thought. Luckily, that was not what Harry's inquiry had been about.

 

 **Harry Carlyle** : There's a new pasta-place on the nexus that does take-out.

 **Sara Ryder** : No fucking way! Oh my God, I'm so exited! Is it any good?

 **Harry Carlyle** : Does it really matter? And yes.

 **Sara Ryder:** Tell me everything, did they have ravioli? With... filling? How did you chew it? Slow? Did you feel the sauce on your tongue?

 **Harry Carlyle** : I will not eat food with the sole purpose of telling you what it feels like. 

 **Sara Ryder:** Buzzkill. 

 **Harry Carlyle:** We'll go as soon as you get back, and then you can taste for yourself. In the mean time, have fun with the food paste.

 **Sara Ryder** : It's a date. And that was overly sadistic, even for you.

 

 _I know, that was the purpose._ Harry thought. 

 

 **Harry Carlyle** : I can always say something about your chess play.

 **Sara Ryder:** BYE, something important's happening.

 **Harry Carlyle:** Same here. Take care.

 **Sara Ryder:** I was kidding.

 **Harry Carlyle:** I wasn't. Seriously. Take care.

 **Sara Ryder:** You too. 

 **Sara Ryder:** I miss you. 

 **Harry Carlyle** : As much as you miss pasta?

 **Sara Ryder:** More than pasta.

 **Harry Carlyle:** I miss you too. 

**Sara Ryder disconnected.**

**Logging off.**

 

 ***

Harry was in his office, and checked his watch. He still had a mountain of paperwork, and a few hours to kill before Sara got home, and after what had been a very early morning in surgery, he was hoping to catch at least half an hour of downtime before she arrived. He heard a knock on his door, and his pathologist, Dr. Falkner walked in. 

"Dr. Carlyle?" He said, a harassed look about him. Not that it said much- Dr. Richard W. Falkner MD was one of those pathologists that just looked harassed whatever he was doing. Falkner was of those guys who always introduced himself with full name, title and middle name. Despite a pompous manner, he had a friendly nature, and he was fun at parties. A bit eccentric, perhaps, but Harry had rarely met a pathologist not to exhibit at least a few eccentric traits. The fun ones at least usually did. Nevertheless, Dr. Falkner did appear a bit more harried than usual, despite having just reported for duty.  

"Yes?" Harry said. 

"Could you take a look at something for me?" Dr. Falkner said. 

"Sure thing." Harry said, as Dr. Falkner looked around him. Something was definitely not the way it should be. 

"I think it's best we do this in private." Dr. Falkner said as Harry tapped his omni tool to close the door.

"What's going on Richard?" Harry asked. He really hoped this was another staffing issue, but by the look of Dr Falkner, he somehow didn't think so. 

"When you were tasked with waking up more doctors and med techs, did your list by any chance include a Ruth Bekker?" Dr. Falkner said, as Harry's stomach clenched. It had not, but there was something about that name. 

"No, not that I recall. The name sounds familiar though, who is she?" Harry asked whilst frantically searching his mind for a Bekker.

"Yeah, she's Charlie Bekkers aunt, and we might... Have a situation. The log shows she was woken up this morning." Dr Falkner said.

"Unauthorized wake up? That is not good, not on that kids record." Harry sighed. This was not going to make his day any better, for sure.

"That might be the least of our worries regarding Charlie bekker right now. Take a look at Ruths file." Dr. Falkner said.

Harry didn't see any medical designation in her file. A red flag if there ever was one just from a glance at a general file. Harry chose to give Charlie the benefit of the doubt for now, and disregard the giant red flags he was now feeling, creeping up his back. 

"Is part of her file missing? From just looking at this, it appears she didn't go through all of the screening procedures.. "  Harry said and handed the data pad back to Richard.

"It is my theory that she was snuck in, and I think I might have an idea as to why that is. Have a look at her bloodwork." Dr. Falkners expression had gone from harassed to grim. He fiddled with the data pad again, and handed it to Harry. This could not in any way end well. 

"What am I looking for exactly? I've been in surgery since early this morning, had to relieve Dr Sanchez after that APEX failure last night..." Harry said. The standard blood work, albeit standard, was still a very long list of tests, and somehow this seemed longer than usual, and Harry was getting really tired.

"Look at her T-Cells, her blood percentage, and then her protein markers. I need a fresh pair of eyes with a broader perspective." 

Harry's stomach went cold. Despite not wanting to, despite just wanting to go back home and hide under his covers, hell, he'd hide under his own desk had it been an option, he looked.

"Oh my God. Please tell me this is a result of Sam getting hacked.." Harry said as he realized what Dr. Falkner was talking about. Dr. Falkner shook his head.

As adrenaline rushed throughout Harry's body, he couldn't help but notice that he at least felt awake now.  _Not this. Anything but this. A stampede of wild elephants because someone in a lab somewhere fucked up, over this. Addison for president, over this. Just. Not. This,_ Harry thought as he franticly searched the deepest cavities of his mind in order to find flaws in what he suspected was going to be Dr. Falkners hypothesis. _Not TH-314. Anything but TH-314_. Some level of Harry felt that if there was any justice in this world, they would not share the same hypothesis, but he knew better than to assume the universe had any sense of justice.

"Where is she now?" Harry continued, the urgency of the situation hitting him like a ton of bricks. He had to check once more, any reason for these test results other than TH-314.

"Is there any possible way for this to be a technical malfunction? Do we have a differential diagnosis?" Harry was at a point where he would literally take any diagnosis, build a shrine, and worship that differential diagnosis to the end of time, over what this looked like to him, and he would bet anything that same logic applied to Dr Falkner as well. 

"It probably looked like stasis-sickness to Charlie- I can't see any other reason as to why he drew her blood in such quantities in the first place. I can't find her anywhere in the cryo bay. My lab tech's redoing all the appropriate tests as we speak. Harry, if she gets worse. If she leaves..." Richard did not have to outline the dangers of what was about to happen if they couldn't find her. 

"Don't panic. I'll call captain Dunn, in the mean time I want you to restrict entry to the Hyperion, and start standard quarantine procedures. I'll flag her file so she can't leave through customs for the next few hours, but we have to avoid a station wide panic, especially in regards to Angaran relations. I **don't** want a mass panic on my hands. We try handling this in house first. Do you have any more blood from her waiting to be tested?"

Dr. Falkner nodded.

"See if you have enough left to test. I'd prefer a confirmed diagnosis. If this really is TH-314 we don't have much time. And remember- we must remain calm." 

Dr. Falkner nodded and exited Harry's office. Harry took a moment to plant his head in his hands, plant both his feet on the ground and take a real big breath. He would have preferred to scream, but that was not an option at the moment. He needed to remain calm, and proceed with the procedure he had put in place for just this scenario. 

He needed to. 

 

***

As Sara touched base, and confirmed heading in to see Dunn, Harry sent her a message to come directly to his office after Sara had seen her. Minutes later, Sara walked in, still in uniform, looking more stressed than ever. This was pathfinder Sara, and he couldn't help admire her determined look walking in. He couldn't deny the immense feeling of relief that swept through him the moment she walked in. It was as if he was seeing her enter his office in slow motion, this incredibly strong and smart friend of his who would fix this- and who he would feed immense amounts of pasta once this whole nightmare had passed. 

"Harry!" She said. 

"I'm so glad you're here. Dunn briefed you?" He said as she came up to hug him.

"High level only. Said to speak with you for the full brief?" She said. 

"Great. Well, then. Here we go." He took a deep breath before he started telling her all about his med-tech Charlie, and how Charlie had cheated the screening process to bring his aunt, Ruth with him to Andromeda.

"She has TH-314. Deadly, highly contagious in the latter stages, and jumps across species. It was dormant, but flared up when Charlie woke her. He just assumed it was stasis sickness. There's no cure, no vaccine. It is deadly in it's final stages and she's off grid. She's a problem." It pained him to utter those words.

"What should I know about TH-314? Dumb it down for me, I didn't have much time to read up on it." Sara said. 

"Stage one's symptoms are similar to stasis sickness, which is what fooled Charlie. Stage two is marked by extreme bouts of paranoia. It becomes virulently contagious at stage three, airborne, the works." Harry said.

"Is anyone else infected?" Sara asked, sharply.

"No one so far, we're still at patient zero. According to the test results I received after Charlie left she's still in stage 1. If she progresses to stage 3, Sara..."

He lowered his voice even more. "It'll be bad. It's a rare disease, but it's the kind that starts pandemics."

She nodded.

"Where's Charlie now?" She asked. 

"He was assigned to an APEX unit for a mission. Incommunicado at the moment. Charlie had no idea the virus would flare up after stasis, virology isn't his speciality. She's his only relative, and he's been lonely. Even so, he should have known better. I'm still not entirely convinced he knew about her TH-314 either..."

"We can save our speculations in regards to his motives for later, right now we need to make sure she's brought in and no one else is infected." Sara said.

"I want to put her well being above all else, but... we **have** to consider the implications. Making sure TH-314 doesn't spread is top priority, no matter what. This one isn't going to be easy." Harry felt disgusted at himself for even prioritizing like this. 

Sara nodded.

"Anything else I need to know?" 

"Be quick, but discreet. It's important we don't panic the entire station over this." Harry said. 

"Got it. Real shitstorm, huh?" She asked.

"It could be worse. She could be off-station and potentially infecting the Angara. Try customs first, even with fake medical clearance she had to go there like everyone else. I flagged her file, but made it seem arbitrary. No one can know, Sara. We can contain a station wide epidemic if need be, but if she makes contact with the Angara... Worst case scenario- if she makes it off world and into the wrong hands- she could be used as a weapon."

Sara nodded. "SAM, you got that?"

"Yes." SAM replied.

"Harry, I'll need access to her medical records." Sara said.

"I'll authorize you. And Sara... be... be careful, ok? I think with the SAM implant you might show resistance to the virus, but still. Be careful." Harry said.

"I will. See you later, ok?" Harry nodded as she turned away from him and left. He started to pace his office.

 

***

An hour later, Sara was patching in over the comms.

"Harry, I've got bad news and.... Well. Less bad news for you. Which one do you want first?"

"Start with the bad." Harry dreaded what she'd tell him next.

"She's not on the station anymore. She hit a man over the head and stole a shuttle. Sounds like stage 2?" 

She had made it off the station. That meant Tann needed to be notified. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. At least she didn't appear contagious yet.

"The.. less bad news is that he damaged the shuttle, so I can trace her. Leaving now."

"Good luck. And remember, there's still a lot more we don't know about the duration of stage two, so be careful."

"I will. Logging off."

 

*** 

_To: Harry Carlyle_

_From: Sara Ryder_

_Subject: Ruth Bekker_

 

_I am sorry to report the death of Ruth Bekker on Kadara._

_We found a stasis pod to transfer her in. Lexi has assured me it is safe to use for transport without risk of contagion._

_See you soon. ETA 10 hours._

_-Sara_  

 

Sara returned late in the evening. She had spent a day tracking her, less than a day to come home. When Harry had heard it was Ruth Bekkers body, his heart had sunk. 

Harry went down to the docking bay, along with a team of med-techs and security. The cargo hold doors of the Tempest opened, and Sara was walking off as Harry's team moved in towards the stasis pod she had used to transfer Ruth Bekkers body. She half ran up to him, and hugged him. Not caring who saw, he hugged her tightly back anyway. The rumors had been circulating ever since it became common knowledge that they were living together. Lexi at least exited the shuttle and gave him an all too knowing look, or perhaps that was Harry's imagination. 

"I'm so sorry, Harry. I tried to save her, I really did." Sara said. She was on the verge of tears.

"I know. I'm so happy you're safe. Let's go home and talk about it, okay?" He said. 

Sara nodded. His arm over her shoulders, her arm tightening against his waist like a lifeline, they walked towards the tram. As they entered their home, Sara finally started talking. 

"I didn't put it in my initial report, but.. I could have saved her." She put her hands to her hair. Combed through it. The look of guilt in her face was too much for Harry to take.

"How?" Harry said. 

"Well, the Roekaar had her. They had successfully gotten hold of a copy of the virus, and they had a degraded form of it."

"Okay?" Harry still failed to see how Sara could possibly have cured TH-314. 

"Well... their leader had her at gunpoint. He told me I had to choose- either my team could put down their guns and let him get away with that copy of the virus, OR he would shoot Ruth and I him in the process. I don't think he thought I was actually going to through with it." Her voice high pitched, a tear running from her eye.

"Sara..." He said, and cupped her face, to wipe the tear away. 

"Whilst I was hacking the door open, I found a terminal. The Angara are immune to the virus. But I couldn't just let him walk out of there with a copy. I had to.... shoot her.. Or... I mean, technically he shot her. But I might as well have pulled the trigger myself.." 

"Sara, her death was not on your hands, and if they were willing to use Ruth as a weapon, imagine what they could have done with the virus after.."

"But still..." She argued.

"Sara, listen to me. Every instinct in my body, both as a doctor and as a human, was screaming for me to help Ruth. But making sure TH-314 doesn't spread had to be the top priority, no matter what."

Sara nodded. More tears forming in her eyes.

"I know you well enough to know you did everything you could, and that **you did the right thing,** with the information you had at hand. The fact that the Angara are immune just makes the possibility of the Roekaar weaponizing it even more likely.. Sara... This wasn't your fault." He said as he took her hand.

"Fault or no fault.. I still executed one of our own for carrying a disease in order not to let the Roekaar get away with the virus. No judge or jury. Just me and my gun. It just doesn't sit right with me." She said, as she squeezed his hand and leaned further onto him.

"Sara, you had to-" Harry started,

"Did I?" She said, a bit more angrily, as she moved away again.

"The terminal said degraded. It said the Angara were immune, and they only had a degraded version. I didn't have time to call Lexi or you. There was a stasis pod, I could have used that to transport her... Harry... Could we have used the Angaran research data to synthesize a cure or vaccine? From the degraded version of the virus combined with the Angaran DNA?" She said.

 _Yes, but it would have been unlikely to work, and it probably would have taken decades, and what you're really asking is wether or not Ruth would have made it, which she probably wouldn't have,_  Harry thought.He decided not to tell her that, he knew better than to do so. Sara looked at him, as if trying to catch him in a lie. Harry knew that look, he had bore it several times as a young doctor himself- she was daring him to tell her this was her fault.

"No. And putting her back in stasis just seems a cruel thing for us to do. There comes a point in everyones medical career when we have to ask ourselves 'how much is enough?' We live in a world where we are able to extend our lives- and quality of lives by much more than what nature originally intended. But sometimes, when someone is so damaged beyond repair, where they are in for a life of constant pain and suffering... I wouldn't feel comfortable as a physician even suggesting putting her back into stasis. Besides, there are no guarantees the virus couldn't have mutated and adapted to Angaran physiology over time either. It's just how viruses work. Just look at the rhinovirus... " Harry said.

"English, Harry." She smiled, through tears. He took her hand again.

"The common cold. It adapts so quickly we've still not been able to produce a viable vaccine for it, despite all our tries and advances." Harry explained.

Sara nodded. 

"What will happen to Charlie?" She croaked.

"There'll be a hearing to consider if he's to be exiled or not. I'll try and speak his case to Tann and Kandros. Even though his actions potentially could have come with serious consequences, we think he only intended to ease his loneliness, which.. albeit extreme consequenses isn't really his fault. It's not like there hasn't been warning signs. I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have been so harsh with him..." 

"You **did** worry about him, but Harry... he was stalking women.. I don't think his actions should go unpunished, but I also don't think he's well. Not mentally, anyway. Couldn't we get him into therapy? Exiling.. it's ... extreme. And in his case, it would be the equivalent of capital punishment. He'd never make it a day on Kadara.." 

"Yeah. Therapy'll be my recommendation too. Kandros will take him into custody the minute he sets foot on base." Harry said.

"I hope he'll be okay." Sara said.

"He will be. I'll do whatever I can for him. And who knows, perhaps reassignment might do him some good. Get him out of the Nexus bubble where everything's everyone's issue. I'll try and get him reassigned to Eos, they have more recourses for therapy, and he has APEX experience. Who knows, might do us all some good." Harry said.

"Yeah... Do you want me to say anything in his defense?" Sara asked.

"Don't bother yourself with that right now. Focus on yourself, okay?" Harry said. 

"Yeah... Thanks, Harry." She kissed him, before she sighed and continued:

"I have to get back to the Tempest early tomorrow morning. We'll restock overnight. We have to go after this lead we have."

"I know. I have to be back at work tomorrow morning as well. You'll never believe the amount of paperwork incidents like these manage to produce. Work's just... insane these days, huh?" Harry replied.

"Yeah... I don't suppose you fancy that pasta, though?" She smiled.

"Lead the way" Harry said, as they got up. She took his hand, and they left, not caring who would see them walking about the station holding hands.

As first dates in Andromeda could go, it could have been a lot worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate editing BW dialogue, but I can't help but to imagine we'd get some sort of different dialogue if he was a romance option.


	10. Saraabe Toe

Harry had just finished up in surgery for the day when his omni-tool sounded an alarm. He quickened his pace back towards his office- he knew this alarm all too well. It was the very same alarm that had gone off right before they medevaced out of Habitat-7. Sara was in trouble. 

Entering his office, he closed the door and the blinds and pulled the feed up on his big screen. Saras vitals had rapidly sped up.

"SAM?" Harry said, unsure of what this was. He knew Sam had recently been hacked. Despite SAM not showing any long term effects to the attack, there had been some weird discrepancies about, and he was hoping this was one of them. 

"Stopping your heart.... now." SAM said, as Saras heart came to a stop.

Vitals flatlining. 

"SAM?" Harry said, a numbness the likes of which he had rarely felt in his life spreading throughout his body. All the dreaded feelings and nightmares he had had, ever since Habitat 7 seemed to have come real in that very second. 

"stimulating the cardiovascular core" SAM said. 

It was one of those moments time itself might have stood still, as far as Harry was concerned. Sara, his Sara, was not doing too well. His Sara in trouble. His Sara in what looked like heart failure. Not this. Not now. Not his Sara.

"SAM?" Harry asked again. No response. The helplessness of the situation hitting him. Nothing mattered more in this world, but her making it out alive. He felt his sanity slipping as his primal urges to keep her safe emerged. The dreaded revelation that there was absolutely nothing Harry could do about it. The fear.

**"zero activity."**

Time slowed down. Harry could feel his own heart speeding up. _Please_. 

**"Stimulating"**

_Please, Sara. Please breathe._ _Please_ , Harry pleaded with his own mind, hoping somehow she'd know. _Please, I'll do anything. Please._

 **"the** **cardiovascular"**

_Please, Sara. Let this work. Let SAM wake you up. Please._

**"core"**  

Something was wrong. As a doctor, Harry knew that restarting the heart had never been an easy task. But as a person, Harry ignored his knowledge to the human anatomy and held his breath. Was Sara about to die? He hadn't even told her how he felt about her, not properly. This was too much for him to handle, there was only one thought in his mind.

 **"C'mon, Sara. BREATHE, DAMNIT!"** Harry shouted. His pleas of desperation proved as useless as they had done back on Habitat-7. He remembered what it had been like in the shuttle, the day Saras heart had stopped. The day he had had to resuscitate her, twice. 

That time too, he had asked her to breathe for him. Coaxed it out of her. Removed her chest plate and made compressions. Transferred oxygen from his lungs to hers, given her the kiss of life. Checked for response, continued. Intubated whilst Liam was doing compressions. Having had Cora do the same compressions on Alec in order for Harry to tube him too. Keeping them both alive. Finally getting a pulse. Checking if Hayes was still conscious. Watching as Saras pulse weakened. Asking Liam to call the ark to prep med bay. Internally swearing and pleading with whatever force in the universe that was threatening to take her away from him. How this wasn't fair. How it had felt when Alec had died in med bay, knowing his daughter might follow soon. How he had wanted nothing but to go back in time in order to prevent everything. His fault. He should have stopped Sara from ever leaving the ark again back then. He should have stopped her leaving. He should have insisted she remained on the Hyperion. He wished he could have been the one to take her place. Rather him than her. 

How his desperation to keep her alive had made him sacrifice his ethics and beliefs to hook her up to the very thing that would ultimately kill her again, just so she could live. His fault. 

Harry felt tears forming his eyes. He didn't care. All he cared about was for her to live. He would trade places with her, if he could. Anything, for her.

 _Please_.  

He heard Sara gasp for air, then cough. Her heart had started beating. He simultaneously discovered he had been holding his breath for some time. She was breathing. She was alive.

"There you are" Sara had this joking manner to her voice. Rather an unfitting comment as to what appeared to have just happened, at least as far as Harry was concerned. He had to remind himself that he did not have the entire picture at hand.

His omni-tool beeped. One message from Sara and one from Lexi. He'd listen through whatever this was first. A recording... Why would she have sent him that? So he'd know what had happened in such detail? 

"That's twice now I've come back from the dead. Can't say the experience is improving..." So it was true, after all. She really had died. She had almost left him behind. Again. Harry felt relieved and infuriated at the same time. She was alive, but she had died. She had sacrificed herself for the mission. She truly had turned into her father in the field. 

He thought he heard Drack in the background, "DOWN. NOW". Harry had one last look at her vitals, which appeared to have gone back to normal, so he shut it off and sat down. 

Why had she sent him a recording of her dying? This made no sense what so ever. Had she put him through this on purpose? As part of a sick joke? No, Sara wouldn't do that. Then why?  Harry took a deep breath and checked his terminal before opening the message from Lexi first. He was afraid of opening either messages, he wasn't sure he wanted any more knowledge as to what had transpired that day. 

 

_From: Lexi T'Perro_

_To: Harry Carlyle_

_Subject: Incident report: Pathfinder, self inflicted injury._

_We need to have a chat regarding AI and how involved SAM should be allowed into the Ryder twins physiology._

_In order to escape capture, Sara allowed SAM to stop her heart. He managed to restart it, and she claims to be "OK"._

_I found some traces of arrhythmia, will monitor for a few days. She's been made aware the efforts made to restart her heart back on and after Habitat-7, and the fact that her heart probably won't recover if she ever were to repeat this._

_I'm still shaking with anger that not only did she allow SAM to do so, but that SAM has been granted such access into their physiology in the first place... You were right to have reservations against the implants in the first place._

_I feel like I enabled this somehow, and I'm not sure as to how to handle this. Perhaps I should be reassigned. I don't know._

_Scenarios such as these just goes against everything I stand for as not only a physician but as a friend._

_Saras team also freed the Salarian Ark from capture. You should make preparations for a quarantine, we've got Salarian skeleton crew and some Krogan scouts inbound, and we're returning with them._ _I'm grounding the pathfinder team on medical leave for a few days, will be available to talk during that time. I imagine I'll not be the only one of us who needs to talk after an incident such as this._

_Anyway, call me when you have a chance._

_Lexi._

 

Harry was fuming. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to open the message from Sara, knowing the events that had transpired that day, and it was against his better judgement he reluctantly opened the message from Sara. Suicide by AI, and now it's all right with her? No. Lexis message had sent him completely over the edge. This was not ok.

 

_From: Sara Ryder_

_To: Harry Carlyle_

_Subject: We need to talk._

 

_I'm sorry to tell you this way, I would have preferred to do this face to face, but Lexi insisted on sending you an incident report, so I'd rather you heard it from me first._

_So, here goes:_

_Back on Kadara, we followed this lead on the Archon. We managed to trace his ship and found the Salarian Ark. We went in on a rescue mission, but we were captured in this weird containment field he had put up once he figured we were coming for him. The field would only interact with living matter, so after some consideration we figured the only chance we had at escaping it was if I allowed SAM to temporarily stop my heartbeat. I let him do it._

_He got me started again in no time, so it's really not a big deal- I'm ok. Just know that it was the only way, we were out of time._

_We'll talk about this when I get home if you like. I'm sure you have a few questions and all. I'm not sure I entirely understand what happened today myself._

_Sorry to keep this short, I just wanted you to hear this from me first, not from anyone else._

_I miss you._

_Sara_

 

Sorry? Was she referring to the broadcast? She must have sent this the minute she got back on the tempest, so why would she send him the raw footage first? Was this a glitch? Harry felt as if he was missing a rather large piece of the puzzle. He didn't know what Sara was playing at, but he knew that despite her assurances that dying was ok with her, it was not ok with him. 

Harry didn't have much more time to reflect, as another alarm went off on his wrist. He barely registered what was happening until he saw who it was.

Not now. Not today. Not Scott too. Harry opened his door and walked as fast as he could over to Scotts bed. He had successfully suppressed every feeling of despair by the time he had reached his destination. He would have to deal with whatever he was feeling later. 

Scotts vital signs were, as though they had followed those of his sisters rapidly sped up, and then dropped, but not to the point of death, yet. Maybe there was something to twins sharing a connection beyond what was medically interpretable. Had Harry not been so incredibly angry at this particular patients sister, he would have spent more time contemplating the possibility. 

Harry scanned Scott. His vital signs were all over the place, and his EEG readings were off the charts. It was with a sigh Harry realized what was going on. There was no avoiding it now; Prematurely or not, Scott was waking up.

Harry pressed his omni tool to call for reinforcements.

"Scott?" Harry said.

"Scott, look at me." Scotts eyes were open, and Harry tested his pupils. Little response. Scott had started to shake. Heart rate accelerating.

The crash arrived with one of Harry's med-techs, Gavin. Harry asked for diazepam. 

"How much?" Gavin asked.

"Start him off with 10 mg. We need to calm this down before this gets worse. His EEG is off the chart. Stand by with paddles in case his heart decides to pull something" Harry said, and grabbed Scotts shoulders.

Gavin scanned Scott, and his heart rate showed up on the monitor above Scotts bed. Readings indicated that nothing in Scotts body had decided to remain stable for the time being.  _Fucking seizures,_ Harry thought.

"I can assist with his heart, Dr. Carlyle" SAM said. Harry had forgotten that Scott had a SAM implant. 

"I think you've done enough damage in the cardiac department for one day, SAM" Harry said without thinking. Gavin looked at Harry, confused. Harry chose not to dignify that look with an answer- there were more pressing matters to tend to at the moment. 

Scott was still shaking, but it also appeared he was opening his eyes and tried to speak. 

"Harry? What... I had the weirdest dream.." Scott said. Still shaking.

"Don't move. Lie still" Harry said as his med tech moved over with the shot.

"What? I'm...." He looked around, feebly. As Gavin gave him the shot, Scotts head went back down, and had drifted back out of consciousness. 

Harry sighed and let Scotts shoulders go as wished for nothing more than to join Scott in a long dreamless sleep. But Harry needed to continue to suppress his feelings. He logged Scotts wake up and went back towards his office, instructing Gavin to follow him. 

"Gavin, please call Dunn, Tann and Kandros. We've got the Salarian Ark incoming." Harry said, as he sat down behind his desk.

"Wow. She found another one?" Gavin exclaimed.

"She sure did." Harry replied.

"Wow! That's 2 arks in less than a year, hella more than anyone on the Nexus ever did." Gavin continued.

"Yeah. She gets results, that one." Harry said.

"Must be proud of your girlfriend, then!" That was not what Harry had anticipated to hear. 

"She's.. We're not.. Umm. What?" Harry said before he had time to think.

"Oh.. I thought... Well...Think you can introduce me, then? She's hot!" Gavin said. 

Harry stared at him. Harry had never wanted to punch anyone in his life as much as he wanted to punch Gavin right that second. He apparently picked up on the look Harry must have sent him, judging by his reaction to Harrys rapid jerk of the head stern look right into Gavins eyes. 

"Never mind, never mind. I just thought.. Well, if you're not seeing her then... maybe I could... you know... I mean.. with you two being roommates and all " Gavin stuttered. 

"Call Dunn, then Kandros, then Tann. Tell them we've got another Ark inbound, and to prep all idle med-techs for triage. Tell them I'll call a meeting in an hour or so. Make sure no new surgeries are schedules for the next day or so."

"Yes, Dr. Carlyle." Gavin turned to leave.

"And Gavin?"

Gavin stopped moving, turned and looked at him, clearly embarrassed at the dialogue exchange between them.

"She's a person with thoughts, feelings and life to be respected, not a commodity to be passed around to whomever might show interest because 'she's hot'." Harry felt his teeth clench with that last part of that particular sentence. Harry didn't care. It still beat leaving Gavin with a solid punch in the mouth. 

Gavin nodded.

"Sorry, Dr. Carlyle. I won't... um.. mention... or ... you know..."

Harry nodded, and Gavin left the room, leaving Harry to his own thoughts for a minute, before starting the preparations to receive the Salarian ark.

Harry was not ok, and it was all his fault. He had let her in too close. This was why he should have listened to his initial instincts not to date her. Just like the catastrophe that had been Habitat-7, this too was Harrys fault.

He needed to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, prepping for exams brings out the writer in me like nothing else.


	11. Breathe me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry Confronts Sara

"You ok?" He said. He couldn't even look at her. Seeing her happy about finally having seen Scott awake would surely push him over the edge. Focusing on his omni-tool, it gave him plenty excuse to not do so. He knew nothing good would happen the instant his eyes'd meet hers. 

"Yeah. Wow, it's good to see Scott again, talk to him. But he needs to recover for a while, right?" 

"At least a month or two, perhaps longer. I'll make sure he gets physical therapy." _Get into medical mode, Harry. She's just another next of kin._ Truth was he hadn't spoken to any next of kin for so long, except for Charlie when he'd had to tell him his aunt had passed that Harry was beginning to think he didn't know how anymore. Or maybe it was just him being incredibly mad at this particular next of kin. Still, he had to figure out how to talk to Sara about her dying, again. Leaving him behind. Almost. Again. He thought of having to tell Scott that his sister had died. Having to return to his apartment alone, drinking in the dark, alone and surrounded by the things she had left in there, the smell of her on his couch. He was livvid and incredibly sad at the same time. 

"Everything ok, Harry?" Her voice og concern snapped him out of his chain of thoughts. 

 _No, everything is **not** ok, in fact, it's the furthest from ok everything has been, ever. _ Harry thought to himself. In addition to feeling fed up and angry at Sara, he felt maybe these recent feelings of resentment towards her wasn't just because of her recklessness with her own life- they were at least in part directed at himself. He had let her in, too close, way too close.  _And then she had to go and kill herself,_ he thought. Harry was angry. Angry at Sara, angry at himself, angry at everything and everyone. How could he have fooled himself into thinking this relationship was going to work? Harry had devoured himself into work, lived in his office since the day before with the exception of having ran home to change and shower, having not been mentally able to stay for long in  _their_ home. He had even gone as far as having his med tech contact Sara at Tann's office, instead of telling her Scott was awake himself. Despite all of these measures of control, he had still not managed to distract himself properly. He made a mental note to not see Lexi for a while, she'd figure him out the instant she saw him like this, and he did not want that. No, he'd have to keep it together now. 

"Yup. Just a lot of work to get through" He said, brushing her off. He wasn't going to keep this up forever, he knew they'd had to talk at some point, or else she'd know something was up. Harry hadn't even replied to her email describing her death, and now he had decided to give her the cold shoulder in real life as well. At some level, he was hoping for an apology- guilty as he felt for needing one. It wasn't her fault, not entirely. This was still his own fault for letting her in.

"Alright, I'm going to take off then. Want me to fetch some dinner or something?" She said, hopefully. The nerve on her. How dare she act like this, like nothing had happened? _No_. No, he would not indulge her. 

"I need to work late, so don't count on seeing me tonight." 

"Alright, if you're not going to be home then I might go out with my crew, Liam's been bugging me to join them for ages. Come find me at the vortex when you're done?" 

Harry nodded, still avoiding eye contact. Harry knew he'd burst the moment he'd look into her eyes, either with anger or with pain. _You got too attached, Harry. I told you this would happen. This is your own fault._

Sara waved as she exited the cryobay. Scott was sound asleep again luckily or he'd know something was up. Not comfortable wearing his emotions on his sleeve for everyone to see, Harry resettled into his office to look over some files. He had lied to Sara, he didn't really have too much to do that day, which would usually prove a welcome change to his otherwise busy routine. Today however, he'd rather work an entire week straight, than having to face her.

***

Harry didn't know what possessed him to go to the vortex that night. He knew Sara would be there- she had told him as such. Perhaps he felt that it would be safer, to talk when there was people around. In truth, Harry wasn't entirely sure as to how to handle her alone, let alone finding her in his apartment the next morning. Or worse- late at night under the influence of alcohol. No, he should see her now. Talk to her now. Let her know what she did wasn't ok with him. He entered the vortex, sat down, and ordered a drink. Sara spotted him and from the other side of the room, winking him over. Harry did not want to come over. He felt like a child for treating her that way, but there it was. He was going to be infantile and shut her out for now. Harry mouthed "later" towards her and she nodded. He needed some liquid courage for the conversation they were about to have. 

"Hey you" She said, as she approached him a few minutes later. "Finally came out for that drink, huh?" She asked.

"Yes" Harry said, not instigating further conversation. He wasn't ready, and it became clear from the anger that had started to boil inside of him that this had been a huge mistake. Coming to the vortex, seeing her, dating her in the first place had been a giant mistake. 

"Everything all right, Harry?" She said, whilst resting her hand on his arm. Harry nodded, still refusing to look at her.

"I'm fine" He mumbled. Still refusing to look at Sara.

"Only, it seems... Like you've been very distant, and I was just wondering what's going on.." She stroked her arm up and down his arm.

That was it. How dared she pretend like she did not know what was going on. Harry let out a laugh- even though he did not find this the least bit funny- and he felt his anger getting worse. He couldn't hold it in any longer, and snarled at her: 

"Cut the crap Sara, you know what's going on. Please don't insult your own intelligence by pretending what you did was completely fine!" 

Harry's and Saras eyes had finally met. Her face reeking of confusion. Harry didn't really want to be angry but at the same time he couldn't help to welcome the emotion sweeping through him. Finally, after what had seemed like weeks but really just been hours of thinking how this would play out, strategizing how to get her to appreciate and value her life, he was going to let her have it. After having spent weeks of putting her back together, then to only have her do this. No. Harry was not going to stand for it, not one bit.

She hesitated for a second, then drew breath. 

"Can we go somewhere a little more private? I want to talk about it, Harry, whatever's going on..." Sara said.

He chugged the rest of his drink, got up, and nodded. She walked alongside him without saying another word. 

The walk back to their place went by in silence. She seemed to be shaking, as he was franticly trying to sort his thoughts, what to say, how to say it. She had to have known what was bothering him, she was anything but stupid. He did however feel some comfort in her being frightened about the prospect of him being mad at her, even as guilty as he felt by that notion. Expressing his feelings had never been one of Harry's strong suits. The door had barely closed behind them in their apartment as she turned around, a fire spreading in her eyes the likes of which he'd never seen before. He couldn't help to think that if anything, she at least wasn't showing any signs of depression anymore. It almost seemed as if Harry's mood had gotten contagious by the furious tone in her voice.

"What's this about, Harry?" She said, "You've been ignoring my texts all night, treating me as if I'm air when I came to see Scott, something's clearly going on, can't we at least agree we're adult enough to have a conversation about it rather than shutting one another out like this? I thought we both were adult enough to not act like fucking teenagers." 

The nerve. She had the nerve to call him out on his behavior when she, **SHE**  had been the one that had went about and killed herself like that. Yet, Harry was intent on keeping his calm.

"You let SAM **kill** you" he said, voice shaking.

"Yeah? I know." She crossed her arms. 

He had started out according to plan, but her nonchalant way of brushing this whole thing off really set him off. Screw any planned sentence at this point. All his plans on a calm approach went straight out the window, and as if he didn't recognize his own voice he felt it escape his lungs. 

 **"And you BROADCAST the whole thing for me to hear! What the hell, Sara? How could you possibly think that was an OK THING TO DO?"** He breathed heavily. All the anger, all the pain from the whole incident came pouring out. 

"What? I didn't..." Sara started. 

 **"YES, you did! I heard the whole thing!"** Harry shouted, then sarcastically mimicking SAM's voice: "Stimulating the cardiovascular core.. Zero activity- Sara, WHY would you want me to hear that?" Harry took a deep breath before calming down. His anger had turned to sadness. "As if I don't worry enough about you in the field **every** **single** **day** , you felt you had to broadcast what might have been your final moments? Do you even know what that does to people, watching you die not once, but **twice** , knowing there's absolutely nothing you can do about it?" 

"I didn't..." Sara said quietly. "I didn't know you got that..." 

Harry cut her off:

"So you were going to let SAM stop your heart, but **that's fine** , because we just won't tell Harry, **will we**? Is that it? Isn't it bad enough having to resuscitate you once, but also having to listen to you being all alone, feeling helpless so far away knowing there's absolutely nothing I can do about it?" Harry was hoarse, partially from yelling, and partially from holding back tears. He still wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or shout at her.

"I fucking told you, Harry. I sent you an email.." Now she was raising her voice. On one level, Harry appreciated the fact that none of them possessed any biotic capabilities.

"Only after you decided to broadcast what might easily have been your final moments!" He heard his own voice fill with the same desperation that he had felt as he had begged her to breathe.

"I didn't broadcast that, Harry, I'd never... And Lexi already gave me that whole speech, so don't you start-"

"Good! Maybe she finally managed to smack some sense into you! What on earth were you thinking, stopping your heart on purpose like that?" 

"Harry, it was either that or be exhalted. You've read Lexi's reports, what they do to people- would you have liked for me to get caught, get exalted and then find yourself in a position of having to perhaps kill me yourself? Besides, SAM wasn't supposed to send you a recording of me dying, I recorded a message for you to get in case I didn't come back, because I didn't want you to wonder why I did it. GOD, sometimes Harry, I swear..." 

"I never got any message" He said. Turning towards his vid screen. Shaking, he knew he couldn't look at her. Harry needed to stand his ground. If he was to look at her, he would have run up to her and hugged her, thanked the universe that she was ok, and he needed her to know that he was not ok with her actions. 

"You weren't ment to, it was meant as a failsafe in case I didn't make it, I had SAM stop it so I could tell you in person... SAM, what the hell, did you send that recording to Harry?" 

"After the hack on my mainframe, there was a discrepancy in my communication systems." SAM said.

"Shit, Harry that's what happened. It's because of the attack on SAM... I didn't know that would happen! I replayed it in my quarters so I'd know exactly what happened, I must have sent it to you as I typed the message that I was ok... Harry... You have got to believe me.. Please... Just.... SAM- please play the message intended for Harry in case I didn't make it, please" 

"Playing message" SAM said. Saras voice spoke, sounding low and scared, unlike the fiery one she had inhabited just moments earlier:

"Harry.. I... If you get this, it means SAM wasn't able to revive me and I'm sorry. Please don't be mad, and know that I had no other choice... So.... well, this is a last resort. I didn't want to do it like this, but hell, if I ... die... I can't do that without you knowing... So... Here goes: I love you, Harry. I have for a while. These past few months really have been the best ones of my life. Not telling you that is my only regret, in case this does get to you. So.. Just know I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you in person. I'll tell you when I get back, not if. Alright. SAM, please make sure he doesn't hear what happens next." 

"Look at me, Harry" The non-recorded Sara had calmed completely and sounded more insecure than furious.  

Harry turned, to look straight at her. Standing a few feet apart, he crossed his arms. It took all the willpower in him not to run up and hug her, but he wanted to hear what she had to say first.

"I love you. I have for a while. I know we only just started dating, but... well. It's how I've felt for a while, since I moved in. Probably longer. And by your reaction to my death, I'd think you've felt the same for a while." She looked down and gave a nervous chuckle as she continued: "Unless I'm an idiot, that sure happens a lot these days.." 

"You're not an idiot" he said. She looked up and their eyes met.

One second passed, although it felt like an eternity. There they stood, just looking at each other, him in his blazer, shirt and dark jeans, Sara wearing a skirt and a jacket. They closed the distance rapidly, and before he knew it, her hands were cradling his cheeks, his clutching her back and cradling her head, locked in a tight kiss. 

His insides were dancing, roaring and on fire at the same time, and as she removed her jacket, and he felt himself lifting her up and backing her against the wall. He held her, like he'd never held anyone before, feeling her legs locking around his waste as they kissed. Using the wall for support, he removed his own jacket, kept kissing her, arms returning onto her back, holding her as tightly as he could. Carrying her towards the kitchen, he sat her down on the bench. Saras touch was all over him, back, chest, then a trail down towards his trousers. Her fingers lingered for a second, before throwing his shirt on the floor. Somehow she had unbuttoned it without him noticing.

Harry realized he was simultaneously removing her top.They studied one another for a slight moment, before their arms were around each other again. She kicked off her shoes as he lifted her up again. Somehow, she had managed to remove his trousers which he now stepped out of, now only wearing his boxers, she in her bra and skirt. He backed her up against the wall, whilst kissing her ferociously.

He needed to feel her, as she needed to feel him. He felt a hand linger on his boxers, pulling them just enough down to release what she was looking for, growing stiffer by the second. He realized that she wasn't wearing any underwear as he felt her with the tip for a second before sliding in.

As they locked onto each other, their eyes met. His green with her blue. 

The world was perfect.   


	12. As you are

Harry's alarm went off with a loud beeping. Harry had always had trouble getting up in the morning, despite many nights on call with little to no sleep. Today would be especially hard. Why would I want to get up now? Harry looked at Sara who also seemed to have awoken by Harrys horrid alarm, as she buried her face in his chest. 

"Ugh, can I shoot that thing? Too loud" Sara said beside him. He chuckled, kissed her on her forhead before rolling over her, to turn it off. 

"You know the rules, no guns in bed." He said, looking for the off button.

"Doctors and all your weird rules. 'don't lick that', 'don't take off your armor', 'I am doctor, rah bah bah bah'." She moaned.

"Yeah, yeah." Harry said as he finally hit the switch to shut the alarm clock completely off.

"Better?" He attempted to roll back over her, but she stopped him halfway, so he was on top of her. 

"Much. Good morning, Harry" 

"Good morning, Sara" She kissed him. Then they kissed again.   

"What time do you have to meet with Tann today?" He asked as he put his arm around her neck.

"Tomorrow afternoon. Thanks to Lexi we're grounded until further notice, so I'll be a while. Any plans for the next few days, Carlyle?" 

"Well" He said tentatively, "I don't know about the next few days, but right now my plans are to pin you down, have my way with you, and then perhaps try and make some breakfast". 

"What did you have in mind?" She said.

"How about food paste?" He asked in an innocent tone.

"I'm gonna kill Scott for telling you that"

"No you won't." He teased as he started to tickle her.

"I hate you" She laughed and kissed him. 

"No you don't." He laughed and kissed her neck.

"Fuck you, Harry." She smiled.

"I intend to." He said in a low, seductive voice as he moved his kisses lower and lower. 

***

"Hey, umm.. how much does Scott know... about us?" She said, as they were still laying in bed, legs intertwined and sweaty some time later.

"Well, when he was in a coma, I'd talk to him, you know- just told him you were staying in my spare bedroom and that you were improving. Nothing more, really, unless you count stimuli checks. I don't think he'll remember much, but you never know." 

"I'd rather he heard it from one of us, than from someone else," She said. 

"I agree, especially considering the rumors..." 

She looked at him, slightly shocked. 

"Nothing I haven't handled. There was a med-tech who saw us coming back here holding hands last week, made conclusions. I shot him down pretty quickly though." 

"Oh God," She said, going white as a sheet. "Lexi... Shit." 

Harry knew exactly what Sara was feeling. He couldn't say he was looking forward to what might be his first time as the subject of a telling off from her. Unless she already suspected- he'd had an inkling she'd been a bit too knowing in her eyes the last time they had seen each other. He'd have to deal with that later.

"Alright, here's what we do" Harry lay back on his side so they were both facing each other. He needed to form a plan.

"We'll tell Scott in private, today. Then we need to tell Lexi."

"Do you think Lexi will keep quiet?" Sara asked.

"Come on, have you met her? I suspect she already knows anyway. She probably knew before I did."

"That sneaky little pyjak." 

"You've been spending far too much time with Drack again." He said. "Speaking of, we should probably tell Kesh as well."

"Why do we have to tell Kesh?" Sara asked 

"She's the stations superintendent and part of Nexus leadership, so she should be made aware of it. Rather her than Addison or Tann anyway, they didn't seem very understanding of anything the last time this came up."

"Oh yeah. That wonderful wonderful screaming match between Harry Carlyle and Foster Addison. God, that was so incredibly sexy." 

"Oh really? Sexy, huh?" Harry said.

"Very sexy" Sara replied as she rolled on top of him and started to nibble at his neck.

It proved a very good morning for them both.  

***

Harry and Sara had spent most of their time off in bed, and seeing her leave again after a very good few days wasn't exactly the highlight of Harrys week. The relieving part of saying goodbye this time however, was that since they had decided to be open about dating each other, they wouldn't have to hide in abandoned docking corridors to say their goodbyes.

Harry was once again, a few days later thinking about a very heated exchange between himself and Sara when his terminal binged. He smiled as he saw who it was.

 

**Comm.Relay**

**Establishing link.**

**Sara Ryder, Online**

**Connecting**

**Harry Carlyle, Online**

 

 **Sara Ryder** : Hey Harry

 **Harry Carlyle** : I was literally just thinking about you.

 **Sara Ryder** : Something dirty? 

 **Harry Carlyle** : Perhaps.

 **Sara Ryder** : You giant tease. Anyway, I had this question I was hoping you could answer...

 **Harry Carlyle** : Fire away. 

 **Sara Ryder** : So, I was back on Voeld to meet Angaran resistance to gather some more intel before deciding where to put down the initiatives next colony, and it is super cold. So cold I thought SAM was going to break with all of his environmental warnings. Anyway, I noticed that the locals seem to have lost their sense of humor. Is that a medical thing? Like, if you stay too long in icy temperatures, your humor just goes byegones? 

 **Harry Carlyle** : Well, technically... I can't speak for Angaran physiology, but when humans are in extreme conditions such as the temperatures you are describing, they tend to get very angry, as seen by early human expeditions to the north pole. What was the joke?

 **Sara Ryder** : I said I appreciated the warm welcome. Then told them that it was a joke. To break the ice. No one laughed. 

 

Harry chuckled. It was a little funny. He wasn't going to admit that, though.

 

 **Harry Carlyle** : I'm sorry to say it's not the cold, my dear. If you really wanted to make them laugh, you should have had someone teach them kepesh-yakshi, and then shown them how you play it.

 **Sara Ryder** : Below the belt, Carlyle. I know you laughed.

 **Harry Carlyle** : All is fair in love and war.  And no, I did not.

 **Sara Ryder** : Liar. Anyway, coming home in a day or so. Just got to sort out some stuff here, then I'm headed straight for the Nexus. The cold is killing me, but we'll put down a colony here either way. Pity the fools who has to live in the giant cryo planet that is Voeld. 

 **Harry Carlyle** : Please be safe. 

 **Sara Ryder** : Oh, just when I was contemplating how to injure myself long enough for a nice warm stay in the med bay for a week, but not severe enough to die or need surgery or anything.

 **Harry Carlyle** : If you do that, you'll be confined to the medical bay at the mercy of Addison and Tann with nowhere to hide, potentially as a much slower moving target. Also, if you do injure yourself on purpose, I can't keep Lexi from murdering you.

 **Sara Ryder** : Good point. I'll just have to fake my death. Then they'll have to leave me alone.

 **Harry Carlyle** : Please don't joke about that. 

 **Sara Ryder** : You brought it up. 

 **Harry Carlyle** : If you're lucky and behave, I might confine you to bed rest myself. 

 **Sara Ryder** : I like the sound of that. Dinner when I get back? 

 **Harry Carlyle** : If you live that long. 

 **Sara Ryder** : Who's joking about it now?

 **Harry Carlyle** : It's OK when I do it. And yes to dinner.

 **Sara Ryder** : You got yourself a date, Harry.

 **Harry Carlyle** : Delighted. I miss you. Be safe.

 **Sara Ryder** : Miss you too. I will. 

**Sara Ryder disconnected.**

**Logging off.**

 

Harry sighed. _Only two more days_. He checked the time, and continued working on his ever growing mountain of paperwork. At least it didn't seem so hopeless anymore. 


	13. Only You

Harry was standing in med bay on Meridian, having just finished packing up his office. He'd have no use for it anymore, as his whole department was to be moved to the Nexus- it didn't make sense to keep the newly appointed Andromeda Initiative's chief of medicine on Meridian. All of his belongings would be sent to his new office, and he was just about to leave as Sara and Scott returned from the cryogenic area. Scott waved at them both before leaving, as Sara made her way towards Harry. 

"There you are, I was wondering where you'd run off to" Harry said, and greeted her with a kiss.

"Harry, can we... go somewhere and.. talk for a second?" she asked. She looked a bit flustered. 

"Sure." Harry obliged as Sara took him by the hand and led him out of the medical bay.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked.

"Not here" she said in a voice so low it was nearly a whisper, and dragged him on, onto the tram, out of the tram, down the stairs, across the habitation deck and towards her fathers old quarters- where they had been living since Sara had defeated the Archon. Harry was wondering what had happened to make her so unreadable. As they entered and the door closed, she turned around, looked at him and took several deep breaths.

"What's going on?" Harry asked.

"Harry, did... did dad ever tell you about leaving Scott and me some eidetic memory triggers?" She asked.

"He.. What? ... No?" Harry said.

"Nothing of a weird ass will?" She asked.

"Not that I recall. Why? What did he do?" Harry tried to keep his worry for what Alec had done this time to a minimum.

"Well, he left me all of these random memories through SAM, every time I colonized something or went through a personal milestone of any sort I triggered one. Anyway. That last one led me to a stasis pod and... well. It's mom..." Sara said. 

Out of all the things Harry had anticipated for Sara to say, this had not been one of those things.

"I don't think I heard that right, did you say **your** **mom**?." He said.

"Nope, your hearing is just fine." she said.

"Didn't she... die?"

"Apparently she didn't. I don't know. He put her in stasis and brought her."

"He did **what**?" Harry could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"Yeah. Elizabeth Reilly is in stasis, her real name is Ellen Ryder, and she's here. On the fucking Hyperion. Dad froze her and... took her with him." Sara said.

"Oh my... No! No, he couldn't have." Harry exclaimed and started pacing the room.

"YEAH! He did!" She said, a level of frustration in her voice she usually reserved for Addison, post staff meetings.

"But... She was in the final stages of AEND!" Harry said.

" **Yeah, she was**! Still is, according to SAM!" Sara said.

Harry had to take several deep breaths to comprehend what she was telling him. He finally mustered enough courage to ask her: 

"Did she know she was being put in stasis?" 

"I highly doubt it. Our last conversation, the memory of their last conversation... No. I think he waited until she was unconscious before he... Packed her up and threw her in the freezer.." Sara said.

Harry thought his head was going to explode. _Fucking Alec Ryder_. 

"What the hell? Why the fuck would he do that! That's insane, even for him! I mean, no! You don't just put terminally ill patients in stasis pods to bring them with you just like that, like they are your packed lunch. No! Absolutely not! I'm gonna kill him!" Harry exclaimed angrily.

"Dad's already dead... He died like a year ago, remember?" Sara gave a crooked smile.

"Well... Good for him, because had he been alive I would have fucking thrown him from the nearest airlock! You can't.. DO THAT... To People! Nope! Unethical!" Harry realized he had stopped making sense, but he didn't care. 

"Harry, we're on solid ground..." Sara laughed.

"Of all the unethical and shitty things to do to your own children, THIS sets a new bar for all of us to live by. Fucking hell, I always knew Alec was always a bit of an eccentric man, but never in my wildest dreams was he a complete and utter crazy person. Oh my God, this is ... no. No! NO! You can't do that to terminally ill patients! NO! It's just not how medical science works! And don't even get me started on the ethical implications here! Nope! Just no! Putting you through all that, making you pathfinder, and then leaving you with the lovely little present of your dead mom i stasis who's suddenly not dead anymore? No! **That**  is a **shitty** thing to do! Who does that? Who does that to their own kids? Nope. Nope. Unbelievable." 

Sara smiled and laughed.

"Of all the things-" Harry was cut off.

"Marry me, Harry." Sara said.

"What?" Did he hear that right, or had his brain finally short short circuited? Harry stopped in his pace and looked at her. Of all the things she might have said in response to his shocked and angry rant, Harry had not seen that one coming.

She took a deep breath.

"Marry me. I love you. I want to be with you for the rest of our lives. That reaction, right there? I just know it's you. So what do you say?" She asked.

Harrys heart beat faster than ever. He smiled as Sara approached him and took his hands.

"Fuck, I had plans for how I was going to ask you this." Harry smiled. Sara looked up at him.

"Is that a yes?" she laughed through a few tears.

"Fuck yeah that's a yes. I love you, Sara." He said as he kissed her, and held her in his arms, feeling the warmth of her skin against his. 

"But you have got to at least let me give you the ring I got." He said in between kisses.

"You got me a ring?" She said and smiled. 

"Yeah, I've spent weeks thinking about how I was going to do it!" He said, kissing her again.

"No way." She said. 

"Yeah, I was going to let you win at Kepesh-Yakshi and everything" 

"I'm going to let that slide for now" She smiled as they kissed again.

Harry knew little of what the future had waiting for them, but as he kissed Sara, he imagined their future together. They might get a house, maybe even have children one day. Maybe they would finally learn how to cook. All he knew was that finally, Harry was happier than he had ever been in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a wrap! Thank you for all your kind words of support, kudos and encouragement! I've really appreciated every single comment and kudos and everything. You guys are the best!  
> Will continue with these two in another work, going to shake things up a bit between them.


End file.
